Reflecting on Friday night and my work Xmas do I think I hadn’t actually given it much head space – I think I was in denial and thinking ‘oh it’ll be ok, I’m almost 11 weeks without a drink’. How wrong could I be?
I should of realised it was going to be really hard, thinking about it now. The celebration was in a city that I spent many years in my late teens and early twenties partying hard. Driving in and walking to the venue I passed so many old drinking haunts and the ghost of drinking past stirred. These were happy drinking memories of a time when I hadn’t become a dependent drinker and I was young and naive and having a very good time. To make it worse the dining venue was in the building of an old bar that I frequented 🙁
I had got the time wrong and arrived half an hour early so had to go sit at the bar. I thought I can do this and ordered my San Pellegrino and just people watched trying not to look at the rows of bottles in front of me. Most of my colleagues were drinking and the table was crowded with glasses of fizz and wine but that was okay. Although my new colleagues were warm and friendly I was having an excruciatingly difficult time of it. Alcohol had always been my social lubricant and without it I felt lost and incapable. I wasn’t me and I didn’t know who ‘me’ was without alcohol in this situation.
This morning with a little distance between myself and that night I can now see how well I did and how glad I am that I didn’t drink. In hindsight this event was a loaded gun but fortunately and thankfully I didn’t pull the trigger 🙂