Daily Archives: 13/12/2013

Sober Intimacy

So I said I was going to be honest in my blogs from here on in so lets start with this biggie (no pun intended!)

Drunken f*ck and hungover sex I knew these two intimately.  My husband swore by the latter as a bona fide hangover cure.  Me not so much – the brewery breath didn’t really float my boat.

There was a time when I believed wholeheartedly that I couldn’t possibly have sex without a drink or more on board.  I felt that it loosened my inhibitions and relaxed me and was a necessary part of the whole seduction process – get me drunk and you’ll get me laid.  But the problem was that sometimes however much I wanted alcohol to get me in the mood it just didn’t.  A bit like those times when I wanted to get steaming drunk but no matter how much I drank I just couldn’t.

The other problem was that sometimes I was too zealous in my drinking and went completely overboard and I couldn’t tell you what it was like because I just couldn’t remember.  The ‘sweet spot’ of uninhibited enough but not plastered was a tricky one to achieve.

So sober sex was a big concern for me.  But just like everything else about sobriety the fear was so much worse in my head than the reality.  See in the same way that alcohol inebriated me from the neck upwards it also anaesthetised the rest of me.  I thought that drinking would make the experience more pleasurable just like I thought drinking would make any other time better.  My drinking friends and I used to joke that the success of a night out was judged by the amount of UBI’s (unidentified beer injuries) you had in the morning because you just didn’t feel anything at the time and the same was true of sex.  No sense no feeling if you get my drift.

Well I’m happy and delighted to report that in my experience sober intimacy is a million times better than anything that went before.  Sometimes the seduction has to start earlier in the day with notes or whispered suggestions.  Sometimes rather than a drink a long soak in the bath or a massage helps to set the mood but it has been vastly superior every single time.  And my other half reports the same for him too.

I’ve been thinking about writing this post for weeks and it was Belle’s anonymous sex booth blog a few days ago that felt like it finally gave me permission.  I hope I haven’t offended anyone with my candidness but if I have I’m going to blame Belle as she started it 😉 Day 83