Daily Archives: 15/12/2013

I gave away my power

It’s like a light bulb went on in my head last night.  That ‘aha’ moment had arrived.  I was reflecting on my 12 weeks of sobriety and how things had changed both good and bad.

And here’s when it dawned on me – all the things that I had struggled to manage in the past were now almost unrecognisable.

(1) I struggled to manage my weight

(2) I struggled to manage my finances

(3) I struggled at times in my relationship with my other half

(4) I struggled to be a good parent

OK so I am still struggling with being ‘me’.  My work life and the emotional stuff remains difficult but for most things it has improved and noticeably so.  I think the work thing may also be connected because as I feel better about myself I question what I do for a living and should I be doing something else?

In all of these things I used to think that drink was the solution as whenever I was p*ssed off about any of these I’d pick up a bottle.  It was my ‘there there’ soother.  But the reality was that IT was the problem not the solution.  It added to my weight, financial woes, relationship and parenting guilt and shame.  I had the power to resolve all of those issues if I just put down the drink not picked one up.  It seems so simple in retrospect but as the late Steve Jobs said:

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something: your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path.”

Well I’m stepping off of the well worn path of alcohol as it leads me to a dead-end.  What I thought was a virtuous circle in the whole L’Oreal ‘because I’m worth it’ marketing fantasy was actually a vicious cycle.

12 weeks yesterday.  This is now personal best territory for me as I have never gone this long without a drink 😀