Soul whispers

It’s not just the physical hangovers I don’t miss but also ‘the fears’.  This was something that was quoted by many alcoholics on the ward that I used to work as the reason they kept drinking and never sobered up.  I never knew what their version of ‘the fears’ were but for me it was that list of things that my inner critic would use to make me feel small and keep me drinking to blot them out.  That voice loved nothing more than to rain insults on my head.  Nothing I ever did was good enough and even my attempts at stopping drinking were criticised.  I was compared to others, found wanting and judged for my shortcomings and any attempts to change behaviours were met with scorn, derision and doubt.  Nobody in the external world could say anything that was as mean as the stuff I said to myself.

This has all stopped.  Completely.

What I get now first thing in the morning is this gentle kind voice instead.  I call it my soul whisper and it says things like ‘be kinder to yourself and others’ and ‘don’t try so hard to be liked’.  I have to listen carefully as it is small and could be missed – particularly once my two are up and shouting the odds, but it is definitely there.  That first soul whisper that I heard will be my New Years Resolution for 2014 – be kinder to yourself, which naturally leads to greater kindness to others.

There are so many reasons why I don’t want to drink again right now and for me this is one of the other great gifts of a hangover free life.  I never dread waking up to how I feel either physically or psychologically.  It is a gift every single morning that makes me smile and happy to get out of bed.

11 thoughts on “Soul whispers

  1. My “Like” button thingy isn’t working, as I want to “Like” it. And I did 🙂

    I love what you say here, about the soul whisper. A nice refreshing change from the haranguing we used to get on a constant, relentless basis. That voice telling me I was a piece of crap, I am better off dead, etc. I love hearing that gentle voice. A kinder, gentler radio station rather than the garbage white noise that used to filter through every moment of the day.

    Have a wonderful New Year and thank you for sharing this.

    Blessings,
    Paul

  2. Great post! I’ve never heard of the “fears” thing before, but it sure does apply to my drinking. My fears were (are? a work in progress lol) legendary. Mostly about money. I hadn’t noticed, but that fear has lessened, even tho my situation remains unchanged. I’m thankful to be relieved of the hopelessness that drinking brought.

    1. I think ‘the fears’ is an Irish expression but I can’t say with complete certainty. Sobriety certainly helps with the hopelessness and helplessness doesn’t it and my fears are a work in progress too 🙂

  3. Mornings are my favorite part about being sober. No voices, no assessment of how long it’s going to take for me to feel halfway OK, no acting like I feel fine to myself and my family. What a relief! I feel great on this New Years morning!

    1. Hi Martha and thanks for reading and commenting. Happy New Years morning to you and I’m so glad you feel great! 🙂

  4. I also have/had those fears. My biggest problems are comparing myself to others and the desperation to be liked. Funnily enough, now that I’ve stopped drinking I’ve also stopped obsessing about it so much. Hoping these feelings will disappear completely over time. Haven’t we been such fools listening to those voices for so long?

    1. I never knew any different as I viewed life through the bottom of a glass – but we know different now 🙂

  5. I love this post so much. This voice overwhelming to me, and always has been throughout my academic career, perfectionism, eating disorder… I am getting better but eliminating Wolfe will help.

    Thanks for posting this- a great post for me to revisit in darker times and it’s giving me hope as we enter 2014 🙂

    1. Thank you FFF. I am beginning to think that we are all very much alike and to me that is really comforting 🙂 xx

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