Daily Archives: 02/03/2014

Hiding out

Mr Hangoverfree asked me if we’d like to get a babysitter and go to see a comedy show featuring a comedian we used to watch a lot when he was on TV.  Previously “on ER” sorry used to love that show and that just popped into my head! I was always up for a night out as he would drive and I would get loaded.  Night out without kids – of course I’m drinking for two!

But I’ve noticed that a suggestion of a night out now is met with hesitation by me.  But it’s not just going out it’s when I’m already out too.  We went out to celebrate Valentine’s and the film we wanted to see was fully booked so we went for something to eat and was looking for stuff to do and stumbled across a comedy night.  Mr HOF was up for it but I looked into the bar where everyone was gathered pre-show and just didn’t want to be there.

I know why.  It’s because I felt jealous.  I would have stood among people all drinking booze and I wouldn’t have been able to and that would have made me unhappy and wistful.  Wolfie would have stirred with his ‘just one’ sweet talking in my ear and I would have felt that ‘dry drunk’ feeling of going without and deprivation.  If I didn’t give into wolfie’s serenade he would have got nasty and tried to shame me into submission – ‘what’s wrong with you?   can’t drink like a normal person can you? always gonna be a f**k-up’.  Unsurprisingly I didn’t want to start that train of thinking hence I said no thanks.

But I’m going to have to stop hiding out soon.  I can go and have a meal at a restaurant and not think about it, I can go to the cinema and it not cross my mind, so what is it about group events?  Maybe someone further in their sober journey can help me out and share some wisdom and words of advice.  Should I force it or just go with how I feel right now?

BTW Still distracted by the memory and thought of Dr Doug Ross in ER 😉