Pregnant pause

Maybe it’s just me but since I stopped drinking I find myself reflecting on my past and what bought me to the here and now.  Everything happens for a reason right?

And whenever I reflect I wonder about times that my drinking wasn’t a problem – like when I was pregnant.  Now I’m not saying this as a joke because in the UK you can still have a drink during pregnancy whereas in many other countries they recommend not to.

pregnant1

So why is it, this wasn’t difficult for me?  Was it because during the first three months you feel sick and the thought of wine makes you want to vomit?  Did that 3 months almost count as a 100 day challenge and I just got used to it?  Why could I have my one glass of wine on a Saturday night and not want to inhale the whole bottle?  Was it because I knew that drinking more would be harmful to my on-board passenger?  I do remember in my first pregnancy being very vigilant but with my second was a little more laissez-faire and I found it more difficult to give up the booze but of course I did.

I guess if I’m honest part of me is still wrestling with the idea of ‘forever’ and looking for chinks of hope to draw from in the past.  Wolfie whispering ‘see you did it then and it wasn’t a problem.  You could go a whole week and only have one glass on a Saturday night and that was fine’.  I do remember being resentful that I could only have one, second pregnancy round.

I appreciate that this is a post of more questions than answers and maybe you want to chime in too?  What’s your recollections and thoughts?  I’d love to know 🙂

 

19 thoughts on “Pregnant pause

  1. perhaps it was because it was such a definite white line? that it took that dreadful ‘shall I, shan’t I?’ shilly-shally out of the process? and also, I think, it was because we were fulfilling society’s expectations of us. whereas now society expects us, I think to be ‘able’ to have one or two glasses of wine, and then stop. because if we ‘can’t’ then we hold up an uncomfortable mirror to other people’s drinking habits.

    so how can we take those factors into our current situation? maybe the 100 day challenge, or the 180 day, or the one year (GO LUCY, GO LUCY 🙂 ) is helping us in the same way?

    as for society, we are changing the little worlds around us. even if it only our immediate family and friends. I am the only ‘out’ sober person I know. and that is sometimes lonely. but if I help one person I know in real life (in particular, my kids) see that sobriety is not just possible but that I am thriving on it, then I will have done my little bit. xx

  2. Dear Prim, I like that statement ‘I am the only ‘out’ sober person I know’. I am nit ‘to’ yet as I think I am still very much struggling with the concept of forever.
    Lucy, pregnancy for me was easy, but then I wasn’t drinking nearly so much anyway – but AFTER the event I have photos of me/us with celebratory glass of fizz almost still in delivery room! What society in UK deems the expected thing to do, right? x

    1. Hi Jude (I think of the Beatles every time I type your name!) Me too – forever seems too long! Cultural expectations are a heavy burden aren’t they and we need to help lift them for the sake of our then pregnancies x

  3. Funnily enough I don’t remember struggling that much when I was pregnant. But after no. two I was home within 6 hours and had a glass of champers in my hand. I guess most educated women will make the decision to cut it out during pregnancy and because it is for someone else, our own child, we are able to control it. We know it is not forever. Now we are dealing with a different issue, not a pause but a full-stop. Staying AF and trying to care for ourselves the way we cared for our unborn child xxx

  4. I’ve been thinking a lot about pregnancies too – my only long periods of abstinence. Like you I just didn’t want to in those first 3 tired and nauseous months (so I reckon I have done 100 days before, or close to). Then afterwards, it was one glass a week, which I didn’t struggle with (yet mysteriously morphed to a couple of glasses a week for my second and third full term pregnancies.) I think self care came so much more naturally to me when I was pregnant (didn’t know it or think of it in those terms then). But I took real care of myself – plenty of rest, exercise and all the right foods, stayed off the junk apart from the occasional treat. Was able to say to people, this is what I need. (Because it’s not selfish, right? You’re doing it for a growing baby. It’s expected.) I think that combination of real care for my body and what was going into it, together with basically fitting into the social norm, made it easier. Also, I know I can moderate for periods of time. I just can’t do it for long. For me, I genuinely believe abstinence is easier. Wish I’d done it when I was pregnant and breastfeeding. xxx

    1. We all seem to have similar experiences around pregnancy. And I also feel that total abstinence is easier although the bank holiday pang appeared yesterday xx

  5. I have thought a lot about this, too. Pregnancy was the only time, pretty much ever in my life, that I have been able to moderate by having a glass of wine every week or so. I counted down the days til I could drink again, though. After the baby arrived I was caught up in love and being a mother for a few days before we opened a celebratory bottle of wine one night, and it didn’t take long before I was getting drunk occasionally instead of just having one or two like I planned. Even while breastfeeding, to my immense shame and guilt.

    So for me, I know that pregnancy was a fluke thing. I think my hormones changed to protect the baby at all costs, even from myself. I know that some women aren’t that lucky and can’t stop drinking (for the most part) during their pregnancies. I totally agree with Primrose that the thinking about drinking wasn’t there during pregnancy for whatever reason, so it was easier. It isn’t like that the rest of the time.

    So just stay sober! 🙂

  6. I think about this time in my life a lot also….How was I able to do it for 9 months? The first week or two was hard. I drank a lot of sparking grape juice in my wine glass to feel normal. I did pretty well. Then at my 12 week mark, we had a huge Halloween party (which, as always, consisted of crazy drunken fools) and I was miserable most of the night not drinking. I did enjoy a red wine here and there or a Guinness here and there the rest of the pregnancy, but I am ashamed to say the very last month of my pg, husbands work had a huge dinner party, and I just couldn’t do it. I had prob 4 glasses of wine. I felt so much guilt and shame…looking back….I should’ve made the choice to not go back after baby was born…Anyway, I think its easier when you’re pg because the thought of “forever” and “never again” isn’t there taunting you. At least, that’s what it was for me. This is why I’m struggling with the 100 day challenge. I don’t know that I can make it 3 days, 5 days, a week, let alone 100 days!

    1. Hey moondustchar I know a friend of mine who drank a whole bottle of wine the day she went into labour so you are not alone in this! I didn’t think I could do 100 days either but Belle will be there as will I 🙂 One day at a time as the AA saying goes as if we get caught up in longer it feels less manageable xx

  7. Haha! When I went into labor, I intended to have no drugs, and as it worked out, I was too far dilated to receive any, anyway…..but as I was struggling with the contractions and pushing, I just kept asking for wine…the nurses were cracking up!

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