So this week-end has really shaken things up for me. My running buddy was the first person I told I was going to give up drinking the week-end before I did and this was our first time together again since that day. Not only that but it was a week-end of more firsts – first hotel, first organised run event, first meal out with friend, all sober.
Don’t get me wrong it was a huge success and I feel so proud of myself but that in itself has created a bit of a problem. See when you start to do well in some aspects of your life you, or I at least, start to question other elements of it that are less rosy. It’s like you raise the bar on life.
See before if I wasn’t particularly happy about something that was happening, or I had to do, I would drink, smoke and moan to a friend. You know ‘poor me, poor me, pour me another one’. But 2/3rd’s of that coping strategy is no longer available to me and so I find myself in a bit of a conniption (I love that word and just had to use it!)
I used to be a happy little wage slave and the private and public corporations could do their worst and I would drink. Annoying person in the office? Have a drink when you get home. Dull and boring task? Reward yourself later. So I am struggling with the whole happy in my work day existence and the fabulous week-end just drew attention to that fact. I love my job, I just hate the office politics and am not very good at playing the game or keeping my mouth shut – can you tell? 😉
What I’m struggling with is do I trust myself and my emotions in these early days? It feels like a real issue but I can’t work out if it’s a ruse to destabilise things and make drinking more likely or if I genuinely am just not happy with the status quo in a way that I used to be before. Maybe I’ve always been less than happy with things and I just need to let it go. I really don’t know and it is giving me angst.
If there are any wise words that you can offer I’d much appreciate it. Answers on a postcard please, or in the comments section below 🙂