It has been a dog’s dinner of a couple of weeks and I have been biding my time patiently waiting for things to improve. Being kind to myself: crying when I needed to, going to bed early when I needed to, eating cake and chocolate if I wanted to. Creating space for myself to feel things and begin to let the feelings go: going for a run, lying in a bubble bath, laying in bed. Not drinking.
Although I have a handle on the whole not drinking booze part of this recovery thing I am still really struggling with the emotional sobriety part. Decades of using booze to tamp down my feelings has meant a tsunami has been released in it’s absence and at times it has felt like I’ve been emotionally drowning both literally (in my own tears and snot) and figuratively.
I have so badly wanted to drink – just to make it stop. But I knew that this wasn’t the answer and, like lancing a boil, I just had to let it do its thing and stay in the foetal position if necessary.
Well I’m pleased to say that it seems to be reaching it’s end and the darkest hour is receding and the sun is rising on a new dawn. The 6 Year Hangover posted a tune up a week or so ago and I loved that track and it had me searching Youtube for another of their tunes that takes me right back to the depths of my drinking when we had just returned from France.
I loved this tune and would dance around the house happily to it. There was something so freeing about this song and it mirrored how I felt at the time, which is a story for another post. I’m feeling that same kind of freedom now I’m pleased to say and I really hope the worst is over and it is now safe to come up for air. As I said to Prim recently ‘what doesn’t break you makes you stronger right?’ 🙂