There was a great post and discussion over at Belle’s blog recently about moderation. This has, once again, been swirling around in my mind for consideration and it must be because I’m coming up to 9 months and any major milestone seems to stir up ‘drinking again’ questions. What is it about moderation that feels like my siren song? I laid in bed this morning thinking about it and trying to unpick what is going on.
See this is the thing. For me it is the idea of having a drink that I miss. In the same way that I used to miss the idea of having a cigarette and what that meant to me – a pause as Prim put it recently. Drinking was a pause on life, checking out of responsibilities, “ME time”. The thing I learnt from giving up smoking though, from the numerous quit attempts, was that if I caved in and smoked it tasted disgusting and I immediately wished I hadn’t. So I carry this thought forward to drinking.
And not only that but to moderate that would mean staying within the UK govt recommended guidelines of 14 units a week, so 3 units a day with a few days off a week. The idea sounds great but I’m not being truthful with myself. 3 units would be 1 large glass of wine. In my old drinking life this was me just limbering up, the prelude, an appetiser, foreplay – call it what you will. So to have to stop at that point would feel disappointing, a let down, frustrating, like I’d missed out somehow. I’d only whetted my appetite not satiated the desire. And this is how it would always be. If I can’t drink within the normal limits and be happy with that then I have a problem.
Justanewme nailed it in the comments on Belle’s blog post when they said ‘Not drinking gets easier –”moderation” can only get harder’. That’s it in a nutshell and I need to get it tattooed somewhere!
How bout you? What keeps you wondering about moderating?
98 days to go
PS Sorry talk of the Holy Grail and I come over all Monty Python!