Practicing self-compassion

“nor silver-shedding tears could penetrate her uncompassionate sire” Shakespeare

This TED presentation was shared on Soberistas and I liked it and thought I would share it here too.  The Space between Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion by Dr Kristen Neff.

I liked it because sometimes I behave in such an uncompassionate way towards myself it makes me wince and this is a reminder that to build self esteem we must practice self-compassion.

I hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think 🙂

88 days to go

8 thoughts on “Practicing self-compassion

  1. was interested when she said that self-esteem is contingent upon success, particularly upon success in how attractive we are… and that we believe we need self-criticism to motivate ourselves. but by attacking ourselves we release high levels of cortisol, increasing our stress levels and leading ultimately to anxiety and depression.

    so self-esteem is a dead end? with nowhere to go but down?

    whereas self-compassion releases more positive chemicals like oxytocin, which generate feelings of being safe and being cared for. which puts us in a better position to achieve what we are trying to achieve in the first place.

    “just when self-esteem deserts you, self-compassion steps in and gives you a sense of being valuable, not because you have reached some standard where you judge yourself positively but because you are a human being worthy of love in that moment.”

    self-compassion is a ladder up. self-criticism is a snake down.

    great link, Lucy, thank you! xx

    1. There’s a great book by Prof Paul Gilbert called ‘The Compassionate Mind’ which is really worth a read if you want to work on self-compassion 🙂 xx

      1. sometimes I think I have been living under a stone all these years 🙂

        thanks for book tip…on Amazon wishlist! chimes in too with the Buddha’s Brain book I am currently reading…xx

      2. Me and you both Prim. The stone was called booze! 😉 My Amazon wishlist currently has 41 items on it – mostly books about recovery!!! xx

  2. This video helped me as a person in recovery and as a middle school teacher – kindness and compassion are effective motivators and criticism is not. Great information!

    1. It is isn’t it. Also great for remembering when parenting kids too 🙂

  3. Wow – I loved this talk. I’m reading Tara Brach’s Radical Acceptance at the moment, and a lot of the ideas talked about here chime with that book. Also with my own experience with self esteem crashing, and feeling the effects of the resulting self-critical judgements… Self compassion makes sense and feels like a way forward to me. Thanks for this post 🙂 xxx

    1. Hey MTM I hear a lot about Tara Brach and need to investigate her books too! 🙂 xx

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