Daily Archives: 11/07/2014

Existential bummer

I saw this video called Existential Bummer thanks to Marie Forleo and having watched it, firstly I thought of Prim, and then I thought about how it applies to this journey.   Better let you see it first! 😉

Whenever I was at the peak of happiness I thought that a drink would complete the moment somehow, would make it even better or me happier.   Thing is that it rarely played out that way and in some ways that perfect moment was spoiled by my choice to add booze.  See this short film talks about holding on a little harder and saying that I will not let go and I’m going to extend this moment forever – or at least I’m going to try.

And now the only way I know how to do that is to not drink.  Drinking at those happiest moments meant that I forgot or I took my eye off of the very thing that had triggered the joy.  It meant I got sloppy and blacked out and ended up with no memories.  Sometimes it ended not in happiness but in sadness and upset.

The moment was perfect and complete as it was and I need to remember that next time and every time.  And the only way I will not interfere with these memories being created and be able to extend them for ever is to be present.  Present completely all the time = no mind numbing or bending drugs like alcohol for me.

Actually that makes it easier and clearer for me.  Simple.  In my drinking days the idea of stopping drinking would have been an existential bummer whereas now it’s the thought of drinking that bums me out.  Who knew? 🙂

72 days to go