Existential bummer

I saw this video called Existential Bummer thanks to Marie Forleo and having watched it, firstly I thought of Prim, and then I thought about how it applies to this journey.   Better let you see it first! 😉

Whenever I was at the peak of happiness I thought that a drink would complete the moment somehow, would make it even better or me happier.   Thing is that it rarely played out that way and in some ways that perfect moment was spoiled by my choice to add booze.  See this short film talks about holding on a little harder and saying that I will not let go and I’m going to extend this moment forever – or at least I’m going to try.

And now the only way I know how to do that is to not drink.  Drinking at those happiest moments meant that I forgot or I took my eye off of the very thing that had triggered the joy.  It meant I got sloppy and blacked out and ended up with no memories.  Sometimes it ended not in happiness but in sadness and upset.

The moment was perfect and complete as it was and I need to remember that next time and every time.  And the only way I will not interfere with these memories being created and be able to extend them for ever is to be present.  Present completely all the time = no mind numbing or bending drugs like alcohol for me.

Actually that makes it easier and clearer for me.  Simple.  In my drinking days the idea of stopping drinking would have been an existential bummer whereas now it’s the thought of drinking that bums me out.  Who knew? 🙂

72 days to go

 

12 thoughts on “Existential bummer

  1. that was beautiful, thank you Lucy. at least I think it was. difficult to see screen through tears…

    and the gratitude lists definitely help in crystallising those moments. yesterday’s was two pages rather than the usual one. love to you xx

    1. I knew you would love it and it had the same effect on me. The gratitude list is a must imo. Love to you too xx

  2. This is extremely powerful. Extremely. I see myself doing the same things, feeling a little sad in moments of happiness because I do not believe they will stay there forever, or feeling sad about impermanence- I have always struggled with impermanence. But, I always return to the answer. The answer is what you said, in the present, in the NOW. That is the only time, and the only way we will find true happiness, is in the NOW. There is just no other way. So, I love the thought of being PRESENT forever, through it all. Just being present. And this DOES mean being sober too. I don’t think we can ever be, at least not me, drinking and really and truly present at the same time. Thank you for helping me think more deeply about this. I love this!

    1. Hey mallards4us It is a powerful thought isn’t it? If I could find a way of drinking and remaining present then I would give it a try! It’s like how can you drink mindfully? It’s an oxymoron and accepting this simple truth I find really liberating 🙂

  3. Beautiful. But it makes me think, if I try too hard to hold on to this moment perhaps I will miss something more…
    Enjoy what you have while you have it.
    I guess I like the Buddhist philosophy as it help me stop worrying about how everything will turn out.

    I love that comment you made. Drinking mindfully is the ultimate oxymoron.

    1. Hi Anne As you say we just have to lean into it don’t we? Easier said than done! It is the ultimate oxymoron, but one that I considered 🙂

      1. I considered it too! I thought a while ago that now that I am no longer depressed, that I have a few months learning to understand my motivations and triggers, that perhaps I would be a successful moderator…
        But the fear that I am wrong, and that I will end up where I left off, is bigger than any potential upside of drinking. Are there any?? I guess I just don’t think there are anymore.

        And really thinking it through-mindfulness as a way to embrace living in the moment, could only be reduced buy a numbing, mind altering poison.

      2. I think it’s the desperation of wolfie trying to convince us in the early days that moderation is possible! Now we’ve got a decent chunk of time under our belts we know different 😉

  4. It is a bummer, isn’t it? Moments will only ever be moments, that’s what they are, brief snippets of now and they never last, however hard we try. (And yes, drink does not help, we just lose the moment from our memory as likely as not.) This film reminded me of hearing Sebastian Faulks (I think it was) on Jeremy Vine recently on a segment called “What makes us human” and he quoted Nabakov “The cradle rocks above an abyss, and common sense tells us that our existence is but a brief crack of light between two eternities of darkness.” Ooh, that was cheerful, not. Sorry 😉 xx

    1. MTM I love Sebastian Faulks but that quote is doom-laden isn’t it? Best make the most of our existence then! 😉

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