Gah life is proving tough at the moment and I don’t know what to do to be honest – actually that’s not quite true – I am giving it another week and if I still feel the same I’m going to see my GP.
See I went ‘over the top’ of the booze trench and away from alcohol, my perceived comrade and safe place, propelled by courage and the rallying cry of other sober bloggers to try to conquer the, again perceived, enemy of the life lived sober and straight-edged. But now here I stand in no-man’s land, so called because it was left unoccupied due to fear or uncertainty.
And that so aptly explains it. I am a swirl of free floating fear and uncertainty that is hounding me night and day. I know I can’t go back to booze, as that was not the answer and will not help, but I am finding life so damn hard with no chemical escape hatch. I have heard said so many times that stopping drinking is the easy part – it’s the doing life that is the hard part and now I truly get it. I am muttering the serenity prayer like a mantra, changing the things I can change, meditating, soaking in the bath, going to bed early and the anxiety still won’t shift.
It has reached the point where I am beginning to wonder if I self-medicated all these years for some kind of low grade General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and am concluding that maybe I need some pharmaceutical support. I’m not overly keen on this idea but I am unsure of what else to do. I am already doing CBT, which is the gold standard anxiety treatment, hence the planned conversation with my GP.
Is there anything I’m missing? Is there a tool in my sober toolbox I’ve overlooked or a new one you can recommend to me?
Edited to add: 28/08/14 Thank you so much for all the kind comments and suggestions, it really means a great deal to me. Went for a run this morning and this track shuffled round and I wanted to share it as it really helped. I appreciate that dance music isn’t everyone’s cup of tea but this is a great track and is about ‘being free’. I need to put listening to music on my sober treat list again – I’d forgotten about it 🙂