Veronica Valli and I (9) discuss Step 4

So this was a marathon conversation between Veronica and I with 3 Skype discussions as there was so much to talk about.  Here we discuss Step 4 which reads: Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.  I post this with a warning as some of the information (particularly part 2) discussed maybe a trigger for you.  Proceed with caution.

Part 1 of our discussion on what Step 4 means and how by examining our resentments we can become free of alcoholism.

Part 2 is a discussion on resentments and the inventory process helps us become free of them

And then finally part 3 where we have a discussion on what it means to do a fear inventory and sex conduct inventory.

A lot of what this process does is very similar to what I am learning at Cambridge.  Yes truly!  What she describes in part 3 about putting things down on paper and moving from the unconscious to the conscious is us ‘labelling’ them.  Taking the emotional heat out of them by engaging our higher cognitive function as we discussed in the flipping our lid post here.

I appreciate that Veronica covered a great deal of ground and so I’ve written some notes for the key parts of what she said that you can access here: Step 4 with Veronica Valli notes

Just having this discussion with Veronica was hugely cathartic for me and I am now really beginning to understand the power of the 12 steps if done well with a sponsor (and a secret wish that Veronica was my sponsor!)

We’ll be back in a few weeks discussing Step 5.  We do hope that you are enjoying these and finding them useful and please let me know your thoughts in the comments.

Veronica Valli is an Addictions Therapist and the author of Why you drink and How to stop:…

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8 thoughts on “Veronica Valli and I (9) discuss Step 4

  1. Hey there Lucy
    I really enjoyed this, very thought provoking. Im wondering in some ways if the twelve steps might be better than therapy for me. Ponder ponder ponder.

    Thank you for the post, watched it before 8am today.

    1. Hey Daisy! Why not go along to a meeting and see how you feel? Early bird 😉

  2. Like Daisy I watched before 8 a.m. 😉 A great way to start my day. I love the way you and Veronica have dissected this step, and make it less intimidating. And it is so empowering to realize that when we let go of our fears and resentments, we are FREE, we were only hurting ourselves by holding on to them. Great discussion! xx

    1. Another early bird! It was a very powerful discussion for me too – so happy that you are continuing to enjoy them Lori 🙂 xx

  3. Very interesting, thanks so much for doing these talks… they are definitely making me consider going to a meeting. Have you been? Charlotte X

    1. Hey Charlotte. Yes I’ve been to two. One last summer when I was about 8 months sober and I went to my second one on Friday night. Like you Veronica’s explanations have helped me reconsider the support of AA and the idea of doing the step work 🙂

    1. You know where to find me 😉 Hope you’re having a lovely weekend too xx

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