Week 5 of sugar free for Lent!

Robin Williams

So sugar free has not been easy of late.  The true nature of my emotional eating is starting to come out and it is not pleasant.  I survived last Tues night out but only by asking MrHOF if we could go for a walk in the time we had before the theatre show as the Galaxy Counters on sale were calling to me really loudly and I came a fag paper away from caving.  But I didn’t, we walked and got a coffee and came back and enjoyed the show which I can really recommend! http://www.onemanbreakingbad.com/.  When I came home I did scoff about 150g of trail mix ….

Weds – really really struggling today.  Tears, supportive phone call from sober buddy and yes I caved and succumbed to putting honey ON my fruit toast – 3 whole slices this afternoon followed by about 50g of trail mix.  Made another batch of flapjacks and powerballs and had to batch test both of those too!  Emotional upheaval going on and not having this perceived way of self-caring tipped me over the edge from coping to not coping very quickly.  Much of it is reminiscent of drinking – in terms of the urge and the perceived need but I don’t compulsively eat like I used to in my early twenties when as a student nurse I was over two stone heavier than I am now.  But elements of it remain and I need to find a way through that doesn’t feel punitive and perfection seeking and like it’s morphing into another issue for me to beat myself up over.  As my sober buddy said once you recognise the triggers around booze it is very hard not to acknowledge them around other substances and behaviours and feels a bit like an insight minefield 🙁  Can I give back the red pill and take the blue pill please?

Thursday – last day of academic year for me at Cambridge, all work handed in.  Really mixed emotion day of letting go and endings.  Took flapjacks with me so not tempted by goodies in Buttery.  We went for meal afterwards and while everyone drank wine I drank San Pellegrino and while everyone ate pudding I drank coffee.  Didn’t have any pangs for either but had powerball when I got home as a reward.  Throat really began to hurt in the evening and then all my low mood and tearfulness this week suddenly made sense – I’m coming down with something!

Friday – decided to give myself the day off life.  No run, cleared inbox and then went back to bed with my echinacea, golden seal, sambucol and cats claw tea bags (all herbal remedies for colds and lurgies).  Ate flapjacks and powerballs sporadically and took care of myself 🙂

Sat – ditto.  May have eaten slightly more flapjacks and powerballs than was entirely necessary – but hey it wasn’t chocolate so that’s still a win as far as I’m concerned.  Feed a cold right? 😉

Sun – ditto.  Mother’s Day here and the kids bought me a mindfulness colouring book and pencils 🙂  I celebrated by putting honey on my fruit loaf and ate more flapjacks and powerballs.  Getting pretty fed up of the lack of variety in my treats and have to say between Valentine’s Day, my wedding anniversary and now Mother’s Day no chocolate feels really puritan and mean to me now.  Can you tell I’m not enjoying this at the moment? 😉  Had a really strong ‘f*ck it’ moment where I seriously considered not going to my AA meeting tonight but going to the cinema on my own to watch ’50 shades of grey’ whilst inhaling a bag of chocolates.  Didn’t – went to meeting, dodged the biscuits winking at me and had a powerball or two when I got home later.

Mon – something about holding my ground yesterday felt like a turning point of sorts.  Was feeling much better today.  Took flapjack into volunteering and didn’t really have any urges as I queued to buy sarnie’s in M&S with displays of Easter chocolate surrounding me.  Lets hope it continues as I really don’t want another week like this past week again!!

Tues – officially bored of this now.  Me, tantruming? Noooooo 😉 Same diet, no changes.  Why is it though if I eat the same chocolate I don’t seem to get bored, but with this I am?  What’s that about?  I feel hugely more ‘f*ck it’ about this than I did about booze funnily enough.  I shan’t break my fast though because I’m stubborn like that …..

16 thoughts on “Week 5 of sugar free for Lent!

  1. Your posts about this topic have been very important to me (all your posts are) because you are going through a similar stage to me, only I am not managing my emotional choco binges at all well, have got quite distressed by similar feelings to the ones you describe which take me back to how it felt to drink dependently. Thank you for continuing to write about this xxx

  2. I hope your cold is better 🙂 If it’s any consolation I have been consuming enough sugar and chocolate for the both us this past week—I’m curious, are you feeling better physically since you began this? Was wondering how the elimination of sugar was affecting your energy levels, etc.; any noticeable benefits? I enjoyed reading the post you linked to in response to Binki; “we all come to recovery in a similar boat” xx

    1. It is thanks Lori and without the aid of pharmaceuticals too 😉 I don’t feel any different to be honest. My weight is exactly the same but then for me it wasn’t about weight loss it was about dialling down my sweet tooth which I think it has as I crave sweet things less than I did and will snack on savoury instead. I think like the drinking before it, it had become very habitual and I used it to manage emotions – to self-sooth or elevate my mood mainly. It’s a good post by Paul isn’t it and I really liked it too 🙂 xx

  3. Dear Lucy,
    I hope your cold is better too!
    I hate them!
    ONe thing I read that is helping me with my hubby is crowding out the “bad” food with better stuff.
    I am trying to have him eat more fruit with dinner (he HATES veggies) and that is helping him eat less ice cream!
    Of course, I had some chocolate ice cream for breakfast yesterday!
    I did tell him! 🙂
    Hugs,
    Wendy

    1. Hey Wendy! Sounds like a good strategy – crowding out the bad with the good 🙂 Am doing the same with my kids and they aren’t complaining about more fruit and less ice-cream either 😉

  4. I think you are gaining so much insight in this process, really helpful to read, thank you. this bit of your post particularly struck a chord with me:

    ‘Much of it is reminiscent of drinking – in terms of the urge and the perceived need but I don’t compulsively eat like I used to in my early twenties when as a student nurse I was over two stone heavier than I am now. But elements of it remain and I need to find a way through that doesn’t feel punitive and perfection seeking and like it’s morphing into another issue for me to beat myself up over.’

    it sounds to me as if this process, where you are eliminating certain foods completely but still giving yourself licence to eat a particular range of sweet foods, is actually a terrifically self-compassionate path to be following – although it may not feel like it at some points! and so that self-compassion I hope will bear fruit, as it so often does, with revised internal perceptions and beliefs, to be expressed in revised external behaviour patterns…

    you may have a post already lined up about this so if so ignore me 😉 but I’d be really interested to hear how you plan to approach sugar at the end of your Lenten regime? for example, whether it has given you a new perspective on food as a source of true nourishment? as you say above, crowding out the poor choices with the good ones…although it maybe that falling face-down into a bath-tub filled with Cadbury’s Mini Eggs may also be involved 🙂 🙂 xxx

    1. Thanks Prim I hadn’t thought about it like that so thank you! It is self-compassionate isn’t it? 🙂 I have thought about post Lent and there will be a blog post – but I think I will re-introduce sugar of the chocolate variety but save it for high days and holidays (a bit like booze used to be before it became a daily staple for so many of us!!) I will also switch to dark as it is better for you but Easter will involve a milk chocolate splurge of the Mini Egg kind 😉 xx

      1. OMG!! They look fabulous but I don’t have the patience or the skill to do that – unless the local beautician can? 😉 xx

    1. That’s a good question Lib 😉 Will we see you on Sunday at the Cambridge Social? 🙂 xx

  5. Not sure how I keep on missing posts. But I found it today! Nice.

    And: ‘As my sober buddy said once you recognise the triggers around booze it is very hard not to acknowledge them around other substances and behaviours and feels a bit like an insight minefield 🙁 Can I give back the red pill and take the blue pill please?’ Yes to both of them…, well, sort of. Absolutely yes to your first statement. I’ve not had chocolate for a week I guess now, and no other added sugar than the Schuessler salts I take. The Magnesium version of it actually kills chocolate cravings instantly. Or for me it does, not sure if there is a placebo effect going on here. 🙂 I do take about half a spoon of those red berries, not the Inca ones, but the other in my yogurth. But more of them gives me a headache.

    If you want to look into interesting food that might possibly deal with cravings you might want to look in the Ayurvedic corner of cooking. They advise to mix all 5 tastes on one plate in order to give you a feeling of satisfaction.

    On the boring food: I believe that is EXACTLY the system of life keeping us healthy and the system of addiction getting us addicted. Natural rules on food says: only eat when you are hungry because your tastebuds will be more alive and you will automatically ‘crave’ for the food which you NEED. When you eat the food you really need you quit after being satified and go on with your life. We used to eat 1500 different types of (root)vegetables only during the year. Now we hardly see 30 different vegetables in the shop and most of us eat max 10 of those. And on top of that we introduced foods like sugar and wheat and additives like MSG which make us keep eating and craving and eating and craving and ….. we call that fun because we have learned that food or any intake is not nourishment but a reward for poor us missing whatever. Missing what we in a original, tribal society would not have missed like relaxation and mother care and excitement in connecting with nature.

    This society with fixed working hours and housing prices that force young mothers to work and not breastfead, supermarkets with poisonous GMO food iso locally produced ecological stuff, schools were children learn to repeat facts in stead of learn to develop and deal with life. With jobs at factories which make those people who would normally be perfectly happy outside harvesting potatoes now misserable in the neon light lacking vitamin D. With TV shows feeding our monkey brain and keeping us tired, not questioning the system, spiritually and emotionally dumb. All in societies so big that nobody can oversee this and nobody cares.

    It sets us up for addiction.

    *Soapbox mode off* I should run for president I think. 😀

    xx, Feeling

    1. You should feeling! 🙂 PS I agree with everything you say too so you can be my representative! 😉

      1. What country shall we choose? I’ld like somewhere warm, but not too hot. And they should speak English I guess. New Zeeland? Maybe we can get ‘Compassion’ to join us too? 🙂

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