Veronica Valli and I (12) discuss Step 8

Making amends can be a scary business, we discuss exactly what it entails.

This was an interesting discussion as we got into talking about making ‘living amends’ which I learned is not part of the AA programme and Veronica has quite strong views on!!

Veronica Valli is an Addictions Therapist and the author of Why you drink and How to stop:…

2013 How to Stop Cover 960x1280

6 thoughts on “Veronica Valli and I (12) discuss Step 8

    1. It’s a good thing to do Claire I agree. Whether it is done with AA or with another organisation or person, for example therapist, is up to you 🙂

  1. I chuckled when I heard Veronica’s response to Living Amends—it sounds like a good concept to me 😉 The thought of making amends can be scary, but it helps us lose the resentments and focus on our recovery. I think we make living amends to ourselves, by not drinking, and taking better care of our physical and emotional health. xx

  2. having just found time to watch this am coming late to the comments party!

    I’m also going to focus on the ‘living amends’ bit here – with the caveat that I’m not an AA bod and have great respect for those who have followed that path, and appreciating that I don’t fully understand the logic of the 12 step process (though I do more having watched your series of videos with V so thank you!)

    as I understand it the phrase ‘living amends’ is a non-Big Book concept, and as such can be criticised if it diverts AA practicioners away from the Big Book concept of ‘direct amends’.

    however I think that living amends has grown as a concept because there is a inherent need for it. Veronica says in the interview that children as young as 5 can have some understanding of the concept – presumably of a parent saying to them, ‘I did some things that I shouldn’t have done when I was drinking too much, and I’m sorry.’

    typing that out makes me feel – what? anxious? vulnerable? I think yes to those two but also worried that if I said it to my children it would become a part of their internal and on-going stories about their lives (and we all know how hard those can be to shake off!)

    in the same way I believe it is not kind to tell one’s other half about an affair to make oneself feel ‘honest’, but to be a better partner and bear the pain and the moral responsibility oneself. (I have never had an affair btw!)

    my conversations with my children about my drinking are ongoing. I may say things to them when they are older that I would not say now. I personally feel it is more valuable – more direct, if you like – to demonstrate that I have changed than to tell them that I will. sorry for essay 🙂 xx

    1. I have to say I agree with you Prim – in both the concern of telling my children too much too soon and the value of the notion of demonstrating it instead 🙂 xx

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