Sober Sex

sober sex

So thanks to Laura over at Club Soda for sending this to me 🙂  The language is ripe so be warned!

I was really laughing up until the last 5 seconds where it let itself down …. but it’s still worth sharing.

Sex is a subject that we don’t talk about much out here in the sober blogosphere (and here’s my one and only post about it here) but as you can see this short video has had over 28 million views since it was posted in the summer of 2012.  That’s a lot of views!!

That said I would have rather talked about my sex life to you than the truth about my drinking before I stopped so there is some shared awkwardness and shame around these two subjects in an ‘elephant in the room’ kind of way.

Laura tells me they have an intimacy therapist doing some sessions for Club Soda in the not too distant future which sounds interesting if anyone is worried about this element of sober living 😉

12 thoughts on “Sober Sex

  1. 🙂 Yeah, even single sex has changed for me. Fantasies changed and the concept of sex has become valuable, I can’t imagine that I used to just grab a man and bring him home. I had enough sense to search out the good men, not the mean ones, but still. Being sober is very much about ‘what you let in’. :- /

    By the way; a good friend of mine has done a Tantra course with her husband. Tantra is one of the Indian veda’s (teachings about life) and she and her husband started ‘all over again’ with finding out how and when and what. It is very much focussed on love and universal love and integritry of the connection, integrity of what you give and finding out what you experience, what stops you etc. I would really like to do something like that. 🙂

    The thing is to find a course where you are comfortable with the set and setting. When interested it might be a good thing to read some serious literature about it first. And if you get the feeling there is something going on that tells you: this is not about Tantra, this is just about sex’ – get out. Sex is not the goal, love and exchange are.

    1. Thank you for sharing your experience feeling and yes you are so right it is about what you ‘let in’ 🙂 I’ve heard of Tantra courses – Sting and his missus Trudie Styler put that on the radar of most people here in the UK! Love and exchange is much more possible when we are present and not inebriated when it feels reduced to the act rather than the feeling 😉

      1. 🙂 Ooh, yes, Sting, I wouldn’t mind some Tantra practise with him. 😀
        Am I allowed to say that in your blogline?

  2. Isn’t it crazy that sober sex is such a biggie for so many of us? When I’ve told people I’ve stopped drinking it’s often been the first thing they’ve said, “but what about SEX?!”. And so many people who have said they honestly cannot remember if they have ever slept with someone for the first time without being drunk. Including me.

    It terrifies me as a relatively newly-single person, because I do think that if you’re part of an already-intimate couple this will be less of a hurdle than if going out and trying to meet someone new. Firstly because I now think that lots of men will be put off by the prospect of a teetotal partner, and secondly because of the sheer vulnerability that is exposed when you start to move towards intimacy with someone. Even a first snog now feels daunting! 😉

    A longtime sober friend told me recently that one thing they say in AA is that forming healthy relationships probably wasn’t working for you whilst drinking, so the chances are it’ll be better if you try doing it without drinking. This is certainly true for me and I can already see me having better boundaries and protecting myself from hurt which I would previously have been incapable of after a couple of drinks… and the rest.

    1. Hey Teapot Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It was a biggie for me and MrHOF too and it is about the sense of vulnerability with nakedness and imtimacy as you say. I think I would have been the same as you and many of us in that I probably never slept with anyone without the perceived ‘Dutch courage’ or dis-inhibitor of booze in the past. I’m no dating and relationship expert but I guess when it feels right it won’t be as big an issue as we make it in our head beforehand – be that a first kiss or anything else from there? That’s how it was for us – it really does feel, as feeling said, like starting all over again and yes better boundaries has got to be a better starting point 🙂

  3. While drunk sex is disgusting and sloppy, I’ll bet lots of us here have memories of great buzzed sex – we’d be lying if we said it wasn’t fun at the time. The problem, of course, is one of degree: of having to drink before sex all the time, or of crossing the line into sloppy and using the alcohol as a crutch for performance issues. It’s real easy to blame “whisky dick” for keeping the sails at half mast, when actually it’s a deeper problem with intimacy.

    1. I just learnt something new SC – never heard the expression ‘whisky dick’! 🙂

      1. Haha! Of all the English we have in common, I’m surprised that “whisky dick” isn’t shared across the pond! I suppose the most colorful (colourful?) expressions are the most regional. Anyway, what do you all call that particular misfortune?

  4. Oh! My favorite subject!!
    I sometimes miss my drunken sex with my hubby. It was very freeing.
    However, sometimes things didn’t work out for me, as the drinks interfered with my pleasure! LOL
    Now, we are finding that sober morning sex is better!
    Sometimes I wake up in a really good mood, if you get my drift, and I grab him!
    He’s happy about that!
    PS – My internet at my house is down, so I haven’t been able to comment much!

    1. Hey Wendy Happy your internet was back up for you to comment on your favourite subject 😉 Happy that you are enjoying this part of the sober lifestyle 😀 xx

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