Friday Sober Jukebox – Crossroads

So I feel like I stand at a crossroads – hence why the awesome Eric Clapton rendition of the tune Crossroads is dropping into the sober jukebox tonight.

crossroadsIt’s 4 days following my 2 year soberversary and I feel like things are shifting.  This post will probably end up being a stream of consciousness so bear with me!

In my first year of getting sober I was working as a school nurse and in the very early days of living life on life’s terms without booze.  I started my blog and became fully immersed in the sober blogosphere as much as my work and family commitments would allow!  As I entered my second year I gave up that job and ended up working pretty much full time on the blog and setting up my additional support services around helping others reduce or stop drinking (the ebook, the online Udemy course and the collaborative How to Quit workshop with Club Soda).  They are all now established and I am very proud of these – my creations and gifts of sobriety.  That full year of focus also allowed me to be present in many of the sober online communities and support others by commenting on their blogs as well as continuing to create content for my own on a daily basis, alongside supporting my family and run a home 🙂

I am now entering the third year and as the last 7 weeks have shown me life is beginning to re-exert itself what with moving house and a new job.  I have not been as present in those communities or supporting others in their blogs and I feel guilt about this.  How can I expect others to come and read and comment on my blog if I don’t have the time to offer the same courtesy?  It’s supposed to be a mutual support network and hence the crossroads …….

So this is where I’m at:  I’ve secured nursing work on all the days I wanted between now and the end of January.  I was not expecting this to happen and they would have me there full time if I said yes.  However, I want to continue to volunteer one day a week at the local drug and alcohol treatment centre and I have one day a week now committed to continuing my post grad studies at the University of Cambridge.  What with two days a week nursing that leaves but one day to work on HOF Life.  Is that enough?

I’m back to the age old feeling of this not being ‘good enough’ and therefore ‘I am not good enough’.  I don’t want to turn away paid nursing work in the current economic climate and like the idea of portfolio working as the variety helps maintain my interest and I’m still here working on my sobriety via the blog and volunteering – just not as much.  I would like to continue to write content as so much news and research is coming through on a daily basis that I want to cover.  I want to continue all that I have created but I fear that I’m going to run out of time or that my family life is going to suffer.  My black and white/all or nothing thinking is telling me that this is not possible and that I need to make a choice.  It feels a bit Hobson’s choice to be honest.

I appreciate that I am bleating about a very first world problem and I should probably just get over myself but I don’t want to let others down here.  I also realise I am future tripping because I have no way of knowing how things will work until I get there but those old catastrophising tendencies haven’t yet been fully rewired 😉  I’d be really interested to hear your thoughts 🙂

18 thoughts on “Friday Sober Jukebox – Crossroads

  1. First and foremost you have to look after yourself Lou and your family. If you do too much the stress will build and then you’ll be no help to anyone. Cut the blog to every other day? Or 3 times a week? Its so brilliant you’re going back to uni 🙂 What you’ve started and what will continue isn’t going to go away if you take a step back abit. We can’t do it all – that’s how we got us in the mess we were in the first place!!! Xx

    1. Hey Theresa S Thank you for commenting and reading on my blog! I know what you mean and my blog post creation pace is slowing a bit so maybe I do need to cut the pace a bit 🙂 xx

  2. 🙂 Congrats on your new job and activities. Cool. And yes, a lot to do. I think that making sure that you leave your job at your job is a very important thing when changing from the one scene to the other. So the only advice I could give you is to make an effort to conciously leave the place where you are at and to conciously arrive in the new place you are heading to. And I’ll try to shorten my posts ;-). I was actually being preemptive (is that the word?) about it all and already made a post yesterday saying ‘Short post’. 😀

    You write about your family duties but I do not read about Mr. HOF, did you included him in your new schedule, as in the re-spreading the home workload? And I am pretty sure you did, so I just put this in here to be PC actually. Soapbox, soapbox… where is it? 😉

    I wish you well on your new adventures!
    xx, Feeling

    1. Hey feeling Mr HOF comes under family and is helping manage the home workload but yes some grown up time is also missing from that schedule!! We have a new babysitting service on tap (my teenage niece looking for ways to earn money) so we should take advantage of her while the going’s good 🙂 PS Pre-emptive is indeed a word! xx

  3. Agree w/ Theresa you should look after yourself and your family first 🙂 I honestly don’t know how you do it all. You have great resources here on your blog for those who are early in their journey. Maybe cutting back on your posts per week, although I’d have to find something else to read when I get up in the morning 😉 You’ve worked so hard to get where you are now, and you’ve helped so many people. You deserve to step back a bit and enjoy the sober life! xx

    1. Thanks Lori for sharing your thoughts. I don’t think my daily posts will stop for a while yet!! 😀 xx

  4. Life is change. Nothing stays the same for ever and it may be that a period in your life is coming to an end and anew one beginning. Cut back the number of blog posts to a manageable number each week as others here have suggested and enjoy your family and life’s new challenges. The blog has been such a help to me, and it’s all still here to read.

    1. Thanks Pamela – I’m not very good at change so yes I need to let go and as you say it’s all still here.

  5. I agree with the above comments . I think your blog is wonderful but be careful about spreading your self too thin. The bottom line is your happiness and filling your life with things you are passionate about and love. Think about what you WANT to do not should do . I doubt anyone says on their death bed “I wish I had worked more” Thanks again xxx

  6. Hi – I’m new to your blog and enjoy your writing very much. It’s early days for me in the sober world, too (well, 11 months so kind of new…), so I do rely on reading strong sobriety blog posts. But, that being said, I know that if you don’t put yourself first, the fallout could put a strain on you in other ways. I think the suggestions for limiting the times per week that you post could work for you. Personally, I’m going through your archives – and loving it!!!!! Thanks for all you do!

    1. Thank you 19Cathleen and if I haven’t said it before congrats on 11 months!! So happy you are enjoying all the archives and you are most welcome 🙂

  7. Lucy

    You do amazing things. You need to live your life the best way you can.
    Congratulations on all the transitions – these things take time to settle down. Without trying to sounds trite you only get one life, and i’m all for making it count but you have to take the time for you to enjoy it.

    Try not to listen to the stern ‘telling off’ voice. I too have a very critical inner voice and you know what – its not on your side. Why not once or twice a week for the blog? I so appreciate your comments when I blog but I don’t do this all the time, and there are other people that also comment so i’m sure if you don’t comments someone else will. That person will be supported at some point, from someone, even if its not you straight away…

    You are brilliant. Don’t forget it xxx Claire 🙂

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