So continuing on from last week’s post about the Tao of Fully Feeling I’m going to continue inspiring you with Pete Walker’s insights and knowledge on emotions. He talks about the four key dynamics of the emotional nature which was all completely new to me but yet made perfect sense!
These are: wholism, polarity, ambivalence, and flow. I’ll do a brief synopsis of his interpretation but I really recommend you go read the whole book.
- Wholism: This refers to the fact that the emotional nature cannot be broken down into individual, separate feelings existing independently from one another. How the psyche cannot be filled with pleasant emotions only while the negative ones are left behind. As he so beautifully puts it: “Individuals who only identify with ‘positive’ feelings often become bland, deadened and dissociated in a feeling-less desert, a true no-man’s land. In the psychic desert of disavowed emotion, the smouldering heat of repressed anger evaporates our feelings of love and affection, leaving us emotionally dehydrated. Rejecting emotions because they are sometimes unpleasant is like cutting off body parts because they are not pretty“
- Polarity: This is about emotional polars – opposite but complementary halves. There are graded bands of emotional intensity that stretch between each pair of emotional opposites. Our emotional experience shifts from one pole to another along a continuum of feeling, and there are many different degrees of feeling on each particular emotional continuum. We are all subject to both gradual and sudden oscillations between the emotional extremes of the various feeling continua. As he says: “When we refuse to feel the full intensity of our emotions, we become depressed and stuck in the ‘safe’ and dreary midland plains of the emotional continua. Apathy is a common result of throwing out the baby of emotional vitality with the bath water of unaccepted feelings“. He argues that understanding polarity helps us deal with normal loneliness as a certain amount of loneliness is absolutely intrinsic to the human condition.
- Ambivalence: These ‘mixed feelings’ occurs when we entertain opposing emotional experiences simultaneously and he feels this is possibly the most misunderstood and vilified of all the complex emotional experiences. Ambivalence is also the state of rapidly vacillating between contradictory feelings. Ambivalence is a normal and healthy response but because it is culturally incomprehensible most of us repress the unpreferred half of the ambivalence, and only experience it as anxiety. He argues that intolerance of ambivalence destroys relationships through a process known as splitting. Ambivalence and splitting are opposite responses to emotional polarity. A less extreme form of splitting is ambivalating – a relatively rapid wavering back and forth between opposing emotional experiences. When we welcome our normal ambivalence we achieve a deeper self-understanding and make better decisions about complex life issues.
- Flow: The ever-shifting, unpredictable rise and fall of emotions. An appreciation of flow, the fluid quality of the emotional nature, allows us to respond to our feelings in healthy ways. He states: “Avoidance of unwanted emotions also commonly leaves us trapped in chronic, low grade manifestations of them. Many long-enduring moods are caused by repressed emotions that slowly and biliously leak into consciousness. When underlying emotions are offered no effective expression and release, the moods they create contaminate and dominate awareness for inordinately long periods of time. Moodiness is a very slow and inefficient way of processing feelings.“
He write so much more detail about each element that I can’t even begin to encapsulate here and closes the chapter with “A wonderful grace of self-renewal comes from immersion in the invigorating waters of fully and flexibly feeling.”
I couldn’t agree more! 🙂