Category Archives: Additional support

Bereaved through Drugs and Alcohol (BEAD) website launched

Featured by the Institute of Alcohol Studies in March is the launch of a website called BEAD (Bereaved through Alcohol and Drugs).

Lottery-funded project to offer support to grievers (23 March)

A website has been set up by Cruse Bereavement Care, the UK’s leading bereavement charity, and Adfam, the national voice for families affected by drugs and alcohol to offer support to those who have lost their loved ones as a result of drug and alcohol use.

The new Bereaved through Alcohol and Drugs (BEAD) website provides a wealth of information and resources to those unsure where to turn or what to do in such a difficult situation.

The website’s features include:

  • Outlining where and how to access appropriate support
  • Helping people through the grieving process by looking at the emotions one might be experiencing and how to overcome them
  • Providing practical help with the things one will have to deal with a result of their loss
  • Displaying stories and personal experiences

Linking to useful resources and relevant organisations.

The site was designed and developed in close partnership with a peer support volunteer who understood the needs of people accessing this service.

It is hoped that the website will augment the work they do in improving the emotional wellbeing of individuals bereaved through alcohol, ultimately becoming a vital tool for those in need of information and guidance on how to overcome their difficult situation.

Welcome to the Bereaved through Alcohol and Drugs website

Support Organisations:

Also!

Alcohol Research UK and Alcohol Concern merge

The trustees of Alcohol Research UK and Alcohol Concern are pleased to announce the merger of the two charities following detailed negotiations over the last few months.

The move will place the unified organisation in a much stronger position to achieve its joint mission to reduce the harms caused by alcohol; combining Alcohol Research UK’s long history of research excellence with Alcohol Concern’s strong advocacy work.

Read our news release to find out more.

NICE focuses on improving treatment and diagnosis of liver disease

I have to thank the lovely Prim for forwarding this link to me about NICE and new draft guidance on treatment and diagnosis of liver disease (cue obligatory pictures of liver disease!)

Here’s the NICE report:

People who drink too much should be sent for scans to detect early liver disease, says NICE

Almost 1.9 million harmful drinkers in England could be sent for scans for cirrhosis by their GPs to detect disease early so treatment and lifestyle changes are more effective.

A draft quality standard out for consultation advises GPs to send people for scans for cirrhosis if men are drinking more than 50 units per week or 22 pints and women are drinking more than 35 units per week or 3 ½ bottles of wine.

Access to the two recommended tests, transient elastography and acoustic radiation force impulse imaging is currently varied across England, whilst the first is available in at least 120 UK hospitals, the latter is a newer technology that is not as widespread.

Dr Andrew Fowell, consultant hepatologist at Portsmouth Hospitals NHS Trust and specialist committee member, said: “Identifying people who are at risk of liver disease and offering them non-invasive testing to diagnose cirrhosis is key to ensuring they are given the treatment and support they need early enough to prevent serious complications.”

“Ten years ago diagnosis of cirrhosis would often require a liver biopsy, but now with advances in non-invasive testing it is much easier for patients and health professionals to make a diagnosis.”

Draft guidance also calls for all those diagnosed with non-alcoholic fatty liver disease to be regularly tested for advanced liver fibrosis – so they can manage their condition and prevent it developing into cirrhosis.

Professor Gillian Leng, deputy chief executive of NICE, said: “Many people with liver disease do not show symptoms until it is too late.

“If it is tackled at an early stage, simple lifestyle changes or treatments can be enough for the liver to recover. Early diagnosis is vital, as is action to both prevent and halt the damage that drinking too much alcohol can do.

“This draft quality standard makes a number of important suggestions to improve care for those with liver disease from offering advice to less invasive testing.

NICE is calling for all adults and young people with cirrhosis to go for ultrasound scans every 6 months for hepatocellular carcinoma, in a bid to improve earlier diagnosis.

The draft quality standard also supports improvements in treatment to prevent vein bleeds in some adults and young people with cirrhosis. An estimated 2,687 people could be eligible for treatment each year.

Liver disease is the fifth largest cause of death in England and Wales. It is estimated over 4,000 people die from cirrhosis every year and 700 will need a transplant.

Consultation on the draft quality standard for liver disease is open until 2 February 2017.

I look forward to the new guidelines being published and if you are wanting to find out about liver scans prior to this please go to this blog post.

Edited to add: 7th Nov 2017

Alcohol-related Liver Disease: Guidance for Good Practice

Shame Backdraft

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

So once again I’m listening to a Ruth Buczynski seminar about shame featuring Peter Levine, Ron Siegel, Kelly McGonigal and Bill O’Hanlon where I learn something new that feels very familiar.  It’s called ‘backdraft’ and is about the backlash that can happen when someone is feeling ashamed and is met by compassion.  It reminds me of that moment when I am close to tears and someone moves into hug me to which I respond “please don’t”.  It is almost a warning that you are in danger of killing me with kindness.  Sound familiar?

Over to the experts:

Most clinicians have witnessed how difficult memories resurface when a client feels truly seen, heard, and loved in therapy. A metaphor for this process is “backdraft.” Backdraft occurs when a firefighter opens a door with a hot fire behind it. Oxygen rushes in, causing a burst of flame. Similarly, when the door of the heart is opened with compassion, intense pain can sometimes be released. Unconditional love reveals the conditions under which we were unloved in the past. Therefore, some clients, especially those with a history of childhood abuse or neglect, are fearful of compassion (Gilbert et al., 2011).

It is related to trauma and the belief held by the person that they are undeserving of kindness but in fact it is more than that.  They are perhaps so unused to compassion that they find the experience unsafe, threatening and dangerous.

Childhood trauma survivors may also equate self-compassion with self-pity or self-centeredness. They may have been told as children to “get over yourself” when they suffered and complained. It is important to understand that by entering into our emotional pain with kindness, we are less likely to wallow in self-pity. The reason is that self-compassion recognizes the shared nature of human suffering and avoids egocentrism. Sometimes only a few minutes is all that is needed to validate our pain and disentangle ourselves from it.

Self-compassion is often confused with narcissistic self-love, although research indicates that there is no link between narcissism and self-compassion (Neff, 2003; Neff & Vonk, 2009).  Victims of childhood trauma often do not have enough narcissism, feeling that meeting their own basic survival needs is a forbidden indulgence. Anxiety may arise from the looming possibility of breaking an invisible bond with a primary caregiver who thought the child should suffer for his or her misdeeds or bad nature. Self-deprivation becomes “safety behaviour” (Gilbert & Proctor, 2006). It is a necessary compromise made by an abused child in order to survive, so the client becomes frightened, viscerally and unconsciously, when he or she breaks the contract. For this reason, sincere efforts by therapists to help abused or neglected clients may be met with resistance. These clients first need to contact their emotional pain, see how it originated through no fault of their own (“you’re not to blame!”), and then gradually bring the same tenderness to themselves that they are likely to give to other, vulnerable beings.

Three symptom clusters commonly found in post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) are (1) arousal, (2) avoidance, and (3) intrusions. Interestingly, these three categories closely correspond to the stress response (fight–flight–freeze) and to our reactions to internal stress (self-criticism, self-isolation, and self-absorption) mentioned earlier (see below).

PTSD symptom Stress Response Reactions to internal stress
Arousal Fight Self-criticism
Avoidance Flight Self-isolation
Intrusion Freeze Self-absorption

Together they point toward self-compassion as a healthy, alternative response to trauma. Self kindness can have a calming effect on autonomic hyperarousal, common humanity is an antidote to hiding in shame, and balanced, mindful awareness allows us to disentangle ourselves from intrusive memories and feelings. Research shows that people who lack self-compassion are likely to have critical mothers, to come from dysfunctional families, and to display insecure attachment patterns (Neff & McGeehee, 2010; Wei, Liao, Ku, & Shaffer, 2011). Childhood emotional abuse is associated with lower self compassion, and individuals with low self-compassion experience more emotional distress and are more likely to abuse alcohol or make a serious suicide attempt (Tanaka, Wekerle, Schmuck, Paglia-Boak, & the MAP Research Team, 2011; Vettese, Dyer, Li, & Wekerle, 2011).

These quotes are taken from a chapter of a book by Christopher Germer & Kristen Neff that you can read here:

germer-neff_-trauma

I found an excellent blog post about it here:

Mindful self-compassion and backdraft

So there you have the connection between shame and booze once again.  Low self compassion, higher emotional distress and greater levels of self-medication with alcohol.

If you are unsure of how self-compassionate you are you can score yourself here:

Test how self-compassionate you are

Unsurprisingly my score was low to middling but not as low as it used to be when I was drinking!  So how do we work on improving our low self-compassion?

The response is to teach ourselves how to take a self-compassion break

If you start to do this even if you are still drinking, the shift in self-perception may be enough to get you started on thinking about cutting down or stopping.  Give it a try – what have you got to lose? 🙂

 

 

 

 

Making a difference to the child of an alcoholic

nacoa-webWhile the battle about Minimum Unit Pricing rages on this for me is the most important progress being made.  As Liam Byrne promised the Government now wants to “put every child of an alcoholic drinker in contact with help that would make a difference.”

As the Institute of Alcohol Studies reported in September: the National Association for Children Of Alcoholics (NACOA) held their first All-Party Parliamentary Group (APPG) for Children of Alcoholics.

Who are NACOA?

Nacoa (The National Association for Children of Alcoholics) is a charity founded in 1990 to address the needs of children growing up in families where one or both parents suffer from alcoholism or a similar addictive problem. We provide a a free and confidential telephone and email helpline that is open to people of all ages, from all walks of life, to offer support and advice to anybody affected. Professionals or concerned others can contact us for information, advice and support. Soon, we will also host an online message board service, where users may record their thoughts and share experiences online. Nacoa aims to promote research into the problems children of alcohol dependent parents face and the prevention of alcoholism developing in this vulnerable group. It is exciting therefore to be connected with the Institute of Alcohol Studies (IAS) as part of the government’s new All-Party Parliamentary Group (APPG) on Children of Alcoholics, which wants to put every child of an alcoholic drinker in contact with help that would make a difference.

The problem?

As the IAS report Alcohol’s harm to others shows, prevalence of alcohol harm on others in the UK is high, and younger people are more likely to report having experienced a number of harms than older age groups. Research suggests that approximately 1 in 5 children in the UK are living in a household where one or both parents drink hazardously (Manning et al., 2009). Nacoa’s survey of over 4,000 respondents also found that those identifying as children of alcoholics, when compared to a control group, were six times more likely to witness domestic violence, five times more likely to develop an eating problem, three times more likely to consider suicide, and four times more likely to become dependent on alcohol themselves.

How do we help?

Since 1990, staff and volunteers have seen profound changes to the way that children of parents with alcohol problems are discussed in the public domain. As well as providing a national service, Nacoa aims to break down social taboos and afford young people the agency to address their problems rather than hiding away. While alcohol problems are often associated with deprivation, Nacoa also hears from young people suffering in families who, to the outside world, seem functional and successful. These individuals can feel stranded between maintaining the family secret and seeking help for themselves. In these cases, more often than not, young people fall between services and feel totally isolated. Nacoa’s helpline offers the opportunity to discuss problems confidentially with trained helpline counsellors and make plans for a better future. Our nationwide service delivers help to those suffering in silence to all corners of the UK. Through our campaigns with prominent patrons – such as Calum Best, Elle Macpherson and Liam Byrne MP – we aim to share stories, break down stigma, and let people know they are not alone.

NACOA and the All-Party Parliamentary Group on Children of Alcoholics

From September 2016, Nacoa is hoping to use its breadth of experience to influence major policy change in the UK through the All-Party Parliamentary Group on Children of Alcoholics. Since the APPG’s inception, Nacoa has worked hard to encourage people in the public eye to take part as well as facilitating case studies for press and media to change how parental alcoholism is addressed at a national level.

The Group’s first meeting took place on the 15th September at the House of Commons, and the committee heard evidence from IAS, Nacoa patrons – Calum Best, Lauren Booth and Nacoa supporter Kim Woodburn – as well as other charities and research specialists. Nacoa’s Chief Executive and co-founder, Hilary Henriques MBE, presented to the committee and argued that government could and should do more to provide vital lifelines direct to children who may feel scared to speak out and compelled to ‘keep the family secret’. While locally provisioned adult treatment services and support are in need of reform and further assistance, services also need to be provided directly to young people in their own right. On the ITV Good Morning sofa, Liam Byrne said that he hopes this parliamentary attention ‘sends a message out to the 1 in 5 children who are children of alcoholics that says this is not your fault, you are not alone, and there is help available to you, like the brilliant Nacoa helpline.’

Call for evidence

To provide evidence to the APPG from your personal or professional experience, visit: liambyrne.co.uk/coa/. Together, we will be able to reach out to the 2.6 million children living in the UK with a parent who drinks too much and let them know that they are not alone and Nacoa is here to help. Our helpline number is 0800 358 3456 and email is helpline@nacoa.org.uk. You can find further information and research on our website nacoa.org.uk. For regular updates please follow @NacoaUK and like us on Facebook.

This was picked up by The Mirror newspaper:

The Mirror reported shock as 2.6m British children with alcoholic parents are left with ‘no hope and no help from authorities’, as MP Liam Byrne seeks to raise the profile of the harm to children from parental alcohol abuse | Alcohol Policy, UK

This truly swells my heart that the Govt is now seeking to make a difference for this silent and truly vulnerable group.  Now we need to extend that support to include offering restorative therapeutic relationships for these young people 😉

Edited to add: a new resource to add to my list is the blog coa is a thing and this is just one of their many brilliant blog posts:

7 myths about alcoholism, through a child of an alcoholic’s eyes. 

Who needs a drink when you’ve got the Feel Stress Free app?

feel-stress-free-appSo managing all feelings, and particularly difficult feelings like depression and anxiety, was a big part of the early days and months of getting sober for me.  Even now I’m always on the look out for new sober treats and self-care tools to make this easier for all of us.  The new Feel Stress Free app released this year, is the second mindfulness app I have tried as I have talked on the blog before about Headspace.

For me psychological self-care and fitness is as important as physical fitness and self-care so this was a great addition to my sober tool-box particularly on the go when life gets tricky.  As you know I’m a District Nurse and some patient visits can be emotionally difficult so having an app in my pocket that I can tap into, potentially between patient visits if needed, is a much welcomed respite.  The apps image and sounds of a desert island, lapping waves and seagulls with background calming music was lovely every time.

This above image is the first screen that greets you once you have downloaded for free the Thrive’s Feel Stress Free Mobile App which is available for iOS and Android.  It works on a subscription basis,which can be purchased for one month, three months or a year. For one month it will set you back £4.99, for 3 months it will cost £3.33 each month and for a year it’s £1.99 each month.  I was lucky enough to get a month’s free trial from the developers 🙂

This is what their website says:

Be Stress Free has been created over two years of development and research to pro-actively prevent and manage stress and anxiety.

  • Keeps track of your mood over time
  • Enables you to train your thoughts so you can manage how you feel about different situations
  • Trains you in 4 relaxation techniques that give you control over your stress

Stressed or anxious? We can help! Using evidence-based techniques, we help you learn to relax and build your resilience to these common—yet hard to conquer—problems. Featuring our thought trainer, zen garden, and unique ‘message in bottle’ social feature, there’s plenty to explore!

I loved the zen garden and ‘message in a bottle’ social feature (that enables you to send a message of encouragement to others using the app) and fed back to the developers:

“Have recently spent a year training part time to be a child and adolescent psychotherapeutic counsellor at the University of Cambridge and one of the therapeutic tools we used was a sand tray!  It was lovely to be able to immerse myself in that way again and very valuable.”

I wasn’t the only reviewer who really liked this as Moonlolly in the City agreed: ‘If you swipe left, you go to a second island called the ‘Zen Garden’, a virtual Japanese rock garden used to aid meditation. Here you can design your own space and save your best designs.  I loved this part, probably because I’m a big kid – it was one of those absorbing exercises akin to adult colouring books. Totally on board with this.’

One of the things I liked about this app is it is designed by clinicians:

Dr Andres Fonseca – CEO, is a psychiatrist with almost 20 years of clinical experience. He believes the way mental health services work at the moment is very broken. Services are focused on intervening when people are in crisis, which is already too late. He believes therapeutic software that is fun to use is the way to help people Thrive.

A bit more detail about some of the key features:

Mood Meter

Start every day tracking your mood to receive the best recommendations to get through it. Based on your results the Mood Meter will recommend different activities. It will record your results on your progress so you can look back and see what works for you. It will learn itself what you find helpful and get better at advising you over time.

Thought Trainer

Our cognitive behavioural therapy based thought trainer is how we help you to re-frame your negative thoughts. We all have negative thoughts at times, but is there a better way we can think about things? That is what the thought trainer is here to do. It tracks how you feel, giving recommendations and helping you to see a positive in the negative. With everything tracked in Progress and the app learning more about you as you use it, the Thought Trainer will soon personalise itself to your experiences.

The evidence

Computerised Cognitive Behavioural (cCBT) therapy has accumulated 10 years of evidence. It has been shown to work as a self-directed treatment without intervention from a therapist. In 2016 Jill Newby and colleagues from St Vincent’s Hospital in Australia undertook a review of all the evidence of cCBT used for depression and anxiety showing it is a very effective technique and comparable to face to face therapy. Here is a link to the study.

Calm Breathing

This is the simplest technique, one that you can learn in the app and practice anywhere you are. It is based on the fact that increasing chest pressure by taking very slow and deep breaths, and then reducing by slowly breathing out, triggers a reflex. This reflex slows down your pulse and gives you a relaxed feeling in your body. As body and mind are connected this then results in relaxation in your mind. Give it a go for 3, 5, 7 or 10 minutes!

The evidence

Deep slow breathing is an essential technique incorporated in many relaxation exercises. It has been extensively examined in the literature in different setting. A good review of the evidence behind it and its uses can be found in General Principles and Empirically Supported Techniques of Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Chapter 14 by Hazlett-Stevens and Craske. You can read a preview of the chapter here.

Progressive Deep Muscle Relaxation

In this technique we also take advantage of the mind-body connection. We will teach you to contract and relax various muscles progressively allowing you to enjoy the difference between the tense sensations in the muscle and the relaxed sensations that come after you have let the tension go

The evidence

Since its description by Jacobson in 1938 this technique has a record of proven efficacy. There is a 2007 review of the literature that summarises all the available evidence up to that date which you can find here.

Self Hypnosis

Not for everyone but those of you who are able to reach a state of hypnosis can benefit greatly from this technique. We will try to teach you to put yourself into a hypnotic trance. If you are able to achieve it, he will help you teach yourself a word of phrase that will quickly bring you back to that state of relaxation whatever your circumstances.

The evidence

It has proven efficacy in anxiety related to many situations. It has been particularly studied in people going through different medical treatments like dialysis, chemotherapy, surgery and dentistry. There is a 2010 review that goes through all that evidence. The main issue with hypnosis is that the person must be suggestible to benefit from it. Here is a recent study on how suggestibility influences outcomes in using hypnosis to manage pain.

Meditation

Simple to learn but hard to master this is quite a powerful technique for relaxation.  It requires dedication and practice but if you persevere it can bring about the most benefits. You will need a quiet space and to achieve a sensation of comfort. You will be able todevelop a passive attitude that allows you to just watch your feelings, sensations and thoughts as they pass through your mind. You will also use word or phrase to help you refocus.

The evidence

This is probably the technique that has received the most attention recently. It requires practice to master but everyone can use it if they devote the time to learn it and practice it. There is a complete review and meta-analysis of all the evidence of meditation in the management of anxiety published in the British Journal of Psychology in 2012.

And you can track your progress:

Progress keeps track of everything you do in the app. It is what the app uses to give you better and better tips. If you are working with a therapist you can use Progress as your full-fledged therapy journal.

You can choose how long you want to do each exercise for, from a quick 3 minutes of deep breathing to 25 minutes of meditation, which is great if you want to fit a session into a busy day.  The app also remembers which exercises you’ve done before and how many times, encouraging regular use and making the whole experience feel very personalised.

Echoing the words of Moonlolly: if you’re going to invest in a mindfulness app, it’s worth bearing in mind that this is one of the first to have actual CBT therapy incorporated and be officially ‘clinically proven.’

So next time you’re feeling stressed or anxious rather than reaching for a drink, or thinking that a drink would help, why not try this?

3 years and what next?

the fortune tellerThis is the drinks coaster that sits on my desk beside my laptop where I write this blog.  I bought it when I was District Nursing on our return from France so probably in 2009/2010.  Edward Monkton’s quirky works always make me chuckle and cider was one of my drinks of choice so that is undoubtedly why I chose this.  I am also really struck by how prescient it was too – my subconscious was trying to tell me something which took  me another few years to finally ‘hear’.  3 years ago today was my last hangover – the last time I woke up feeling like shit, both physically and psychologically.  I had planned 6 days before to stop drinking once I had finished reading Allen Carr and had one final week-end blow-out.  I went out not with a bang but a whimper drinking not for enjoyment but in grim determination thinking what next?

Back at the beginning of the summer the lovely Prim asked me whether I would write a list of all my achievements since quitting both external and internal for the blog, her or myself to mark the occasion of reaching 3 years and I said I would let it percolate in Australia and write it on my return.  So here it is 🙂

The external stuff is easy to list and quantify:

  • I started this blog which has been awarded 2 top recovery blog listings at the end of 2015 (After Party Magazine & Ocean Recovery) and 2 in 2016 (The Fix & Port of Call)
  • I had a piece published in The Guardian about alcohol and public health
  • I left my job as a school nurse and set up my own business
  • I had 20 sessions of CBT
  • I started a post graduate qualification at the University of Cambridge (which included being in weekly therapy)
  • I wrote and self-published an e-book on Amazon
  • I created, designed and published an online course with Udemy
  • I had academic research about alcohol and PSHE published in the Community Practictioner
  • I started volunteering at  Focus 12, a local drug and alcohol treatment centre
  • I created, designed and ran How to Quit Workshops with Club Soda in London
  • We saved up all the booze money we would have spent and as a family went to Australia for a month  (£10,000!!)
  • I lost 12 lbs in weight
  • I didn’t drink no matter what happened or how I felt

I got very busy doing lots of things to prove that I was okay, I was good enough …

And as time passed, my self esteem recovered from not making a tit of myself under the influence of alcohol, my self-worth climbed as I was accepted and welcomed unconditionally out here in the sober blogging world and new friendships were made, lunches and week-ends away with sober friends had, and as I worked on my psychological core strength through CBT and therapy I began to change emotionally.  It goes without saying, but I will say it anyway, that I wouldn’t be here without each and every one of YOU so a massive THANK YOU for your love and support!!

My final 8000 word assignment this year for Cambridge was about the link between insecure attachment, alexithymia and addiction in adolescence.  I was basically doing a literature review on myself looking for answers.  And what I found is that research has shown that an approach called Adolescent Mentalization Based Integrative Therapy (AMBIT) is working.  Where an adolescent experiences a healthy, secure attachment with a counsellor or team that allows the role-modelling of positive, supportive relationships and the repair of attachment traumas they heal and their sense of self-worth begins to recover.  This relational repair with self and within the self allows reconnection with the felt senses and allows the development of understanding and recognition around somatics felt in the body and their connections to feelings experienced.  Plus the therapeutic role-modelling allows the learning of words to express them cognitively, so they basically recover from alexithymia.

And guess what? When those things happen rather than attach to a substance or behavioural addiction the link to it is weakened or broken.  And that is exactly what has happened out here for me in the last three years.  Because I had drank for so long I was stuck emotionally at an adolescent level and all the work I have done has allowed me to move beyond addiction and mature emotionally into a more adult way of thinking, feeling and being.  And critically it has allowed my self-worth to flourish and to feel that I am good enough.  Several people have suggested I seek to publish my academic literature review as it is an under-researched area and if I’m successful I’ll share a link here so you can read it 🙂

And in doing that work it has had a knock on effect on my ways of relating.  As the adult child of an alcoholic I used to be a chronic people pleaser with very porous boundaries.  Everybody’s needs were more important than my own so I put myself last all the time and poured wine down my neck.  But now with the help of therapeutic support and lots of appropriate self care my boundaries are strong so that I know where I end and another starts so I don’t feel compelled to fix things.  It is their stuff and they’ll figure it out.  The rescuer in me has retired!  This means the way I relate to everyone has changed but most importantly it has strengthened my relationships with MrHOF and the children.

And a strange thing happened.  The more I felt okay in myself the more those external things ceased to matter until I have reached the place where now, in the words of my therapist Anna, I have learned to stop trying so hard.

So what next?

Well since March we’ve been busy exploring the option of moving to Australia more permanently and I applied for my Australian Nursing Board registration.  It has been successfully granted and so I’m looking for a nursing job hopefully in the Bundaberg area (yes home to Australia’s famous rum – how ironic is that!!).  I don’t need to continue on the  Masters at Cambridge to prove that I am good enough.  I know that I am.

I don’t need to keep producing sober resources to prove that I am good enough.  I know that I am.  So I’m going to stop writing the blog so frequently.  Here are the links to my news sources (DrugWise Daily and Alcohol News) so you can find them and follow them yourselves if you so wish and everything I have written will be left here as a resource.   I’m going to pin the ‘Drinking Guilt and its Big Brother Shame‘ post as the landing page as it remains the most popular blog post by far.  I have removed the HelloBar email subscriber bar and password protection from my e-book so you can access it freely from the front page of the blog.  I will leave the Udemy course running as it is self-directed and the e-book will remain listed on Amazon.  If you would like 1:1 support from me about your drinking just drop me an email at ahangoverfreelife@gmail.com.  I’ll still swing by regularly and post a Friday Sober Jukebox to let you know how I am but mainly I’m planning on spending time with MrHOF and my kids playing outside in the sunshine and exploring the world Hangover Free 🙂

This is what happens when you take a chance ………

PS Don’t worry the sober advent calendar will still be here to help you rock your alcohol free warrior moves through the booze fest that is December 😉

SURE: Substance Use Recovery Evaluator

KCLThe Substance Use Recovery Evaluator (SURE) is a psychometrically valid, quick and easy-to-complete outcome measure of recovery from drug and alcohol dependence. It has been developed with unprecedented input from people in recovery by Kings College London.

Here’s what it says about SURE on their website:

It can be used alongside, or instead of, existing outcome tools.

  • ‘SURE’ measures recovery from drug and alcohol dependence
  • ‘SURE’ is completed by people in recovery (not by clinicians, researchers or others)
  • ‘SURE’ has good face and content validity, acceptability and usability for people in recovery
  • SURE’ comprises 21 items (5 factors) and is psychometrically valid, quick and easy-to-complete
  • ‘SURE’ can be used by individuals in private or in a therapeutic context

How to score SURE

Scoring of SURE is simple. There are 21 questions and each question scores 1, 2 or 3. This means it is possible to score between 21 and 63.

For questions numbered 1-3

  • Never = 3
  • On 1 or 2 days = 3
  • On 3 or 4 days = 2
  • On 5 or 6 days = 1
  • Every day = 1

For questions numbered 4-21

  • All of the time = 3
  • Most of the time = 3
  • A fair amount of the time = 2
  • A little of the time = 1
  • None of the time = 1

Section C is not scored, but allows people to think through their own priorities in recover

Copyright

They state that “if you wish to obtain a commercial copyright licence for this measure, then please contact King’s College London’s IP& Licensing Team: licensing@kcl.ac.uk.” 

Copyright © 2016 King’s College London

Looks really good!  Thank you Kings College London 🙂

Edited to add: Thanks to feeling for the reminder to put a shout out for Tommy Rosen’s 7th Recovery 2.0 Online Conference which is free and begins tomorrow at 6am Pacific Time!  I’m all signed up – are you?

Here’s the link to feeling’s blog which shares Tommy’s link 🙂

Toot Toot: I’m in The Fix! :)

sobrietycomp2So just tooting the horn for this list of awesome sober bloggers – which just happens to include myself 😉  The list was compiled by Regina Walker psychotherapist and writer for The Fix.

You can read the full article which is entitled: My Top 12 Recovery Blogs here but I’m going to list the names and links here so you can go check them out.

Over to Regina:

The number of “sober” or “recovery” blogs increases every day. The anonymity—and shame—that once shrouded people affected by substance abuse is slowly slipping away. Some blog posts read like journal entries—a diary on the web, in a sense.

I have read many recovery blogs. I am often very moved by the genuineness and honesty that, perhaps, the faceless Internet allows. These writers are sharing some of their deepest secrets and most shamed-filled experiences with, well, everyone. Often the sites almost sound like intimate conversations the writer is having with themselves or a loved one and I, the reader, am eavesdropping.

I compiled a list of 12 of my favorite recovery blogs and had the opportunity to talk with the bloggers, yet this list can never be all-inclusive. I have read posts on many blogs that have stayed with me, written by people who I will never meet, and who have no idea they have touched me so deeply. 

Below (in no particular order) are my 12 favorite recovery blogs.

1. Transformation is Real

2. The Recovery Revolution

3. The Miracle of the Mundane

4. Liv’s Recovery Kitchen

5. The Unruffled

6. The Sobriety Collective

7. Buzzkill Pod

8. Tired of Thinking About Drinking

9. Sober Unicorn

10. The Sober Señorita

11. Walking in Sober Boots

12. Me 🙂

One of the more common themes amongst these bloggers is the importance of the cyber recovery community. For a number of them, it is their primary sober support. And that is true not only for the many bloggers themselves, but for their countless readers and followers. The support, assistance, and connection provides a healing experience for so many, which may explain why sober blogs and sites are gaining such great popularity. You can be anonymous, do recovery your own way, gain support, and make friends—all from the safety of your computer screen.

Blogger Christina Ferri said, “Shortly after I started my blog, the networking and online recovery tribe became, almost overnight, my rock to stand on. I felt stronger than ever. People I’ve never met or heard of began reaching out to me, sharing more resources, sharing their stories and including me in collaborations to further our outreach in recovery. I’ve made true friends and have unlimited resources to assist me and strengthen me every day.” 

This list includes several people I consider both mentors and friends, such as the lovely Belle and Paul, and those I have had the pleasure to *meet* via social media and private groups such as Sondra, Laura and Chris.  Regina  is so right that the community out here is invaluable and I continue to be grateful that you, and I, are here 🙂

Edited to add: And on the 7th September 2016 I was also listed in Port of Call’s 20 best addiction recovery blogs 

Using online tools to treat alcohol misuse

HAGASo an A&E clinical nurse manager friend of mine was kindly sent this excellent article in the Nursing Times about using online tools to treat alcohol misuse.  A subject close to my heart seeing as I designed and manage one!

These were the 5 key points of the research:

  1. People who misuse alcohol may avoid treatment for fear of friends and family finding out
  2. Digital tools offer home-based access to support and treatment at a convenient time
  3. Service users may find it less daunting to discuss issues online
  4. Interacting with patients via tools such as Skype can mean health professionals listen more, talk less and provide more appropriate treatment.
  5. Apps and digital tools may be used to treat problems in which access to healthcare may be a barrier to treatment

I completely agree with all the research findings and conclusion as my own experience verifies.  The whole paper is worth a read and you can access it here:

270416_Using online tools to treat alcohol misuse

Thank you Mark Holmes at HAGA for publishing this and for providing evidence that what I instinctively felt was a solution to the problem for me turns out to be correct for many! 🙂

1000 days & sublimation :)

1000 daysSo here we are from day 1 to 10 to 100 to 1000 🙂

This is equal to 2 years, 8 months, and 27 days, 142 weeks and 6 days, 714 weekdays and 286 weekend days, 24,000 hours, 1,440,000 minutes or 86,400,000 seconds since booze passed my lips (intentionally!) or I awoke with a hangover.

And the word sublimation came to mind which means:

noun
  1. Psychology. the diversion of the energy of a sexual or other biological impulse from its immediate goal to one of a more acceptable social, moral, or aesthetic nature or use.
  2. Chemistry. the act, fact, or process of subliming (def 9).
  3. a purification or refinement; ennoblement.

According to Wiki:

In psychology, sublimation is a mature type of defense mechanism where socially unacceptable impulses or idealizations are unconsciously transformed into socially acceptable actions or behavior, possibly resulting in a long-term conversion of the initial impulse.

Sigmund Freud believed that sublimation was a sign of maturity (indeed, of civilization), allowing people to function normally in culturally acceptable ways. He defined sublimation as the process of deflecting sexual instincts into acts of higher social valuation, being “an especially conspicuous feature of cultural development; it is what makes it possible for higher psychical activities, scientific, artistic or ideological, to play such an important part in civilised life”.[1] Wade and Tavris present a similar view, stating that sublimation is when displacement “serves a higher cultural or socially useful purpose, as in the creation of art or inventions”.[2]

These definitions fit for me how recovery feels.   Plus I love the word sublime as it is so descriptive and not as over-used as many other words of exquisiteness which is what it means to me.  And it describes both the act of stopping drinking and the feeling engendered by overcoming the obsessive compulsion to drink.  OK so my desire wasn’t sexual as in Freud’s interpretation (although it did lead to perhaps unwise events of that nature when I did drink!)  My drinking displacement has resulted in this blog, my e-bookresources and courses which I hope has served a higher socially useful purpose and I do consider them my unique inventions and creations of sobriety.

And that’s looking externally.  The biggest refinement or enablement has been internal – both within my immediate and close family and within myself.  Just thinking about writing this sentence makes me start to well up with tears the change is so profound.  Only last night we had a sleep-over for my daughter & I was present both during the evening, overnight (they didn’t settle until gone 1am!!) and this morning.  I commented to MrHOF that in my old life booze would have been an easy way to soften the edges of a potentially stressful event & all the noise & mess.  But what if something had happened overnight?  Or how would I have been the next morning with a hangover?  All of these are thought experiments as they no longer apply to me or my life.

I have changed so much as part of the recovery process.  As the quote at the top indicates 1000 clear and present hangover free days meaning no more looking around with worry about what I might have done under alcohol’s influence, looking back in fear for past misdemeanours  or looking down in shame and guilt ……  I only look forward with anticipation, excitement and contentment.

1000 days deserves not one tune but two!! I’m a different person and I couldn’t have done it without MrHOF <3

Over to the Shapeshifters  😀

And no more time warps for me – although this song and it’s joy remains one of my fav’s whether I’ve been drinking or not 😉

And I can’t even begin to count how much I’ve saved (and I’m not just talking about in terms of my dignity and self-respect!).  When we drank and smoked we were spending £10 a day so by that calculation it’s £10,000 but that was with old pricing.  It’d be more like £15-20 a night now which makes it probably closer to £25K and change conservatively 😮

Finally  I need to thank ALL of you.  Every single one of you who reads and comments or lurks.  Thank you for being here, for supporting me, and if you’re reading this and wondering if you can achieve this too – to you I say abso-bloody-lutely.  If I can do this you can do this! 🙂