It’s my birthday today 🙂 It’s not polite to ask a lady her age so I’ll save you the trouble and share that I am 46 today. Holy smokes I’m getting on a bit! 😉
It’s also my second birthday sober which I suspect will be a great deal easier than the last as I was only 6 weeks sober then. Wolfie was still loud and shrill in my ear on that day.
So to continue my systemic desensitization I did something that made me laugh and if anyone else had seen me would have thought I was mad! I recently went to a large supermarket to pick up a few bits and pieces and I’ve kind of avoided the huge looming alcohol aisles for obvious reasons.
But this time time I thought ‘f**k it’ and strolled down one saying out loud to myself as I went ‘I don’t need you anymore, you hold no power over me and I am better off without you’. Fortunately there was no one else in the aisle other wise I’d have been getting some pretty weird looks. And you know what? It felt GOOD 🙂
It is so bloody normalised to drink in this country that I LIKE being different now. I like not being beholden to spending more than I even want to calculate on booze. I like not feeling like sh*t every Saturday and Sunday morning (or any other morning come to that). I like that I don’t reek like a brewery with booze oozing out of every pore for vast swathes of time. I don’t miss the bad skin, bad guts, bad mood, morning fears about what I may have said or done to someone real or virtual under the influence, the stupid things I might have bought on the internet, the lost time that I will never get back. I like everything that being alcohol free has given me and miss nothing about my booze soaked past now.
400 days sober today!!
PS A little birthday gift from me to you. One of my favourite tunes and the video happens to commemorate one of my all time favourite heroes too, the late great Bill Hicks. In the words of The The “if you can’t change the world, change yourself” 😉
And as it’s my second sober birthday two treats! This is a running video that has recently gone viral and happens to be the park where I ran over the summer raising money for Alcohol Concern. Pounding the tarmac through the seasons, a band of runners are brazenly challenged with intimate questions as they pace their routes. Liberated from responsibilities, their guards drop dramatically, releasing funny and brutally frank confessions, and weaving a powerful narrative behind the anonymous masses. For all my sober running buddies – enjoy and if you’ve never run I’d recommend it 🙂
So here are my picks to the prompt: Tell me about a moment when you were happy, so happy you could hardly see straight. You couldn’t have been happier if you’d won the Lottery. Go ahead and visit one another, make friends. Enjoy.————————
It happened after yoga one night. The April air was crisp as we hadn’t fully settled into spring. My family waited for me at home, dinner on the table. My eyes filled with tears of contentment. I had come through years of debilitating anxiety and was fortunate to be alive.
Tough choice: Is it the day I completed a 10,000-mile bicycle ride and met Peggy; or the night California voters approved an effort I had initiated to reduce tobacco use? One led to happiness; the other has saved an estimated one million lives. I’ll go with love.
Wandering Through Time and Place
One year sober last month, I got to meet eight other ladies who had become friends via the sober blogs and communities. Sunshine, tea and cake, good conversation with great people who made me feel heard and understood. I didn’t feel like a freak anymore.
A Hangover Free Life
It was my husband’s birthday. We were hoping and praying for a celebration. We waited in the surgeon’s office for my pathology report on the breast cancer. I scanned the mumbo jumbo of the lab summary for any sign of good news.
Relief and profound gratitude. Healing had begun.
Snowdrops for Faith
I awoke to a machete death just outside the Nicaraguan church. It rattled me. Where was God? Under a lone tree someone sang and then another.
I had come cynical and empty. But with the gift of song came a rush of assurance. God was here.
“What a big penis!” We were stunned. Our practitioners had all guessed a girl. But it was his heartbeat, strong on the screen. Our boy actually drew a smile as we watched. I had longed to give my husband a son. I was wild with joy.
A Holistic Journey
Happiness is climbing a tree, catching a firefly, setting him free.
Happiness is playing the drum in your own school band.
And happiness is walking hand in hand.
Happiness is being alone every now and then.
For happiness is anyone and anything at all
That’s loved by you.
You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown
I recently wrote a guest post for Florida Beach Rehab on the Short and Long Term Damage of Alcohol Abuse which was posted up today and you can find here:
It’s a more detailed (hopefully non-medical jargon) explanation of what happens to the body and mind if you misuse alcohol either for a short period of time, say a binge, or over a longer period of time where the damage is more cumulative.
Thanks to them for giving me the opportunity to speak in more detail about this and share my experience with them and you further 🙂
Recently the children went to stay with their grandparents overnight and we had not asked for this gift. It was simply offered – lovely 🙂
So what do you do when you have no kids, no planned reason for them to be away and a whole evening to yourselves? It takes no guesses to figure out that in the past this was a genuine reason to cut loose and get trashed – just because we could with no repercussions or responsibilities until 5pm the next day. But we don’t do that anymore right?
Initially I found myself feeling sad and wistful for what might have been but that was quickly replaced with the thought of ‘there are so many things I want to do tomorrow and if I had a hangover none of it would get done’ and a feeling of relief. I could keep my plans intact and not sabotage myself.
So we headed into our nearest city and looked for things to do that don’t involve drinking. We found a cool Mexican restaurant where I had a ‘Big Ass Burrito’ accompanied by Agua de Horchata, a traditional Mexican drink made with rice milk, vanilla and cinnamon.
Then we wandered into the chocolate shop, Chocolat Chocolat and picked up 100g of the finest salted caramel milk chocolate to have when we got home as a sober treat.
We also found this weird tea shop called ‘Ooshi The Bubble Tea World’. Never heard of it, never tried it so in we go. From their site which you can visit here:
“Created in the tea shops of Taiwan during the 1980’s, Bubble Tea has become one of the most popular drinks around today. Also known as Pearl Milk Tea or Boba Milk Tea it comes in a wide range of flavours that blend tea with either fruit or milk. With the addition of ice, fruit syrups and tapoica pearls hundreds of tastes combinations can be created to delight the taste buds! The ‘bubble’ in Bubble Tea comes from the gorgeous bubbly froth you get by shaking up the drink just before you have it!”
I had a jasmine green tea with apple flavour ooballs. Sounds odd but actually tasted rather delicious.
So we had a great time, drove home, early to bed and up with a clear head to accomplish everything on my to do list before the terrors returned home. Perfect 😉
What would your perfect sober night out include?
Now this isn’t some philosophical question, more of a visual representation question. I’ve been thinking about changing my blog a bit and was trying to think of what ‘a hangover free life’ looks like visually.
I suspect for all of us this will look different but for me this is what I see in the daytime:
And this is what I see come evening time:
Why? Well we honeymooned in the Maldives and at the time I described it as being what I imagined heaven on earth would be like. Just looking at these picture makes me happy, optimistic and inspired, plus candles and bubbles in a bath are part of my sober treats already 😉
All those pennies and pounds I’ve been saving need to be put to good use for a BIG sober treat in the future. When I was training to run the London Marathon I used a similar image on the wall next to my running machine to keep me motivated and it’s no different now.
Plus I have this dream of one day in the future running sober celebratory retreats where all us cool sober people hang out, catch some rays and generally live the good life for a week or so to remind us why we started on this journey and to reward our hard work and continued growth.
If you had to visualise what it means to you what would it look like? Could you email me with an image that most represents the goal of sobriety for you and I’ll post them all up and we can have a poll to decide which one goes on the top of my blog (or maybe more than one image who knows!) Send them in over the next two weeks and I’ll share them all after that 🙂
Can’t wait x
Edited to add: 22/04/14 Was so excited to be able to change the header on my blog after the site being down all Easter week-end that I couldn’t hold off putting a new image up temporarily. I will share all the other images you suggested on 2nd May as promised and we’ll change it again then 🙂 xx
On May 10th I will be running the Nike ‘We Own The Night’ London 10K run. I have teamed up with Alcohol Concern to raise funds for this important charity here in the UK and you can visit their website here.
Alcohol Concern is the leading national charity working on alcohol issues. Their goal is to improve people’s lives through reducing the harm caused by alcohol. They have an ambitious long-term aim to change the drinking culture in this country.
Lace up. Zip up. Light up the night. Join me for Nike’s #WeOwnTheNight 10k run: www.nike.com/weownthenight is where you need to go if you’d like to join me – running rather than drinking my time away on a Saturday night! Please let me know if you do sign up so that I can look out for you at the event and say hello 🙂
If reading my blog has helped you and you would like to donate some of the money you’ve saved through not boozing, then please help Alcohol Concern via my Virgin Money Giving page. You can donate anonymously by unticking the box ‘I’d like my name to be shown with my message’ on the donation page.
Please visit http://www.virginmoneygiving.com/ahangoverfreelife where you can sponsor me online.
Thanks in advance for your support and maybe I’ll see you running on the night!
PS Until my 1 year sober-versary date I’ll have a ‘sponsor me here’ tab on the menu bar should you come looking for this post again! If you find this post after I’ve run the 10K event and would still like to thank me for the blog then please donate to Alcohol Concern via the sponsorship link above.
I can’t believe I’m here. I never thought I could not drink for 6 months and feel so well. The moments of missing booze are now fleeting and pass without angst. This song and video expresses how I feel completely. I used to think that I could only reach this place of nirvana after a skinful and now it is how I feel most of the time. No need to spoil it with booze. This is now my default setting not my only achieved after a bottle of wine state.
It’s not been an easy journey and the early days were tough but once you get through the gritty bits the potential for joy is endless. This is why I started this journey and I am so glad that I did.
Edited to add: this is hilarious, but I emailed Belle and she told me that it was my day 180 yesterday!! When I drank I always peaked a day too early (you know got over-excited and overdid it the night before insert celebration so felt god-awful on the actual night) and now I’m sober I peak a day late!? 😀
Thank you so very much to Maggie from Sober Courage for nominating me for this wonderful award. Please go visit her blog as I will be doing now!
To accept the award, each awardee must do the following:
- Display the award on your blog.
- Announce your win with a post and thank the blogger who nominated you.
- List 10 interesting things about yourself.
- Present 10 deserving bloggers “who positively and creatively inspire others in the blogosphere.
- Link to the awardees and let them know of the nomination.
I’m only a relative newbie to the sober blogging community so feel really honoured to have been nominated for this award. It will definitely strengthen my resolve and help keep me on the path of recovery! 🙂
OK 10 interesting things about myself:
- Although I am a UK citizen I was born in Germany and as an adult I have lived with my young family in France.
- As a young person I was sent to a single sex religion-led boarding school and yes it did have some St Trinian’s-esque moments!
- I came of age during the rave era and will always see myself as a raver. I am never happier than when listening to dance music and throwing some shapes; ‘big fish, little fish, cardboard box’ – yep that was me! 😉
- My favourite bands are The Prodigy, Radiohead and Air.
- I love the sea and it is my ‘go to’ place when I need to think and to put things in perspective. This love has influenced both places I have trained vocationally and where I have lived. Brighton is my spiritual home.
- I am a proud graduate of The Open University. This organisation ROCKS!!
- I am a mum to two fantastic children (although obviously I’m biased!). This young lady and young man are around the age of the expression ‘give me a child until he is seven and I will give you the man’. I hope it’s not too late. I hope I’ve not f**ked them up.
- I am happily married to a man who used to be my boozing companion and we decided to stop together. He is 6 days ahead of me in this journey!
- I ran the London Marathon in 2011 for the Samaritans and raised over £3,000.
- Although I now live in a ‘chocolate box‘ English village I am a city girl at heart having lived in Cambridge, Exeter, London and Brighton. My favourite city in the world is New York.
Ok, and now a drum roll and a HUGE thank you to these 10 deserving bloggers who I believe, positively and creatively inspire me and many others in the blogosphere:
Thank you once again, and I hope that you accept this award. I am very excited to learn a bit more about you all!
So today is day 28 of my new blogging life and day 64 of my now sober life. I said on day 1 of the blog that I would review at this point. What I didn’t expect when I started this journey was that this many people would be interested in what I had to say, that people would take the time to comment, would decide to follow my writing and that they would share/like/link my blog on their blogs. Thank you so much to all of you (you know who you are) 😉
I’ve enjoyed writing every day and I guess I could now argue that my creative ability as a writer has been proven by the fact that something I wrote got published in a UK national newspaper and I got paid for it! So now I just need to keep proving that I can remain sober 🙂
You’ll have to forgive me as I am a little fired up today and am about to express a bit of a rant! I’ve spent the day in smoking cessation training, which is the UK public health universal health promotion programme implemented in 2011, aimed at encouraging and supporting all people to stop smoking. It is a fantastic resource that is promoted in all health environments whether hospitals, GP surgeries or community and supermarket pharmacies. I should know how good it is as this was how I finally quit the weed – with the use of nicotine replacement therapy and behavioural change support.
So many of the tips and tricks I learned when giving up smoking have been invaluable in quitting the drink. And therein lies the rub. If I want to give up smoking I am inundated in support options from the NHS whereas with drinking there is very little health promotion or support options until my drinking becomes very problematic and basically a physical addiction. There are excellent targeted support services once that happens but nothing to support me to stop it reaching that point. I am pretty sure that all the alcoholics I cared for on the ward where I worked didn’t take their first drink and intend to end up where they did. It is such a ubiquitous substance which is perceived by most as benign and almost healthy (the benefit of a glass of red wine a day for decreasing risk of heart disease springs to mind).
It would be relatively easy to use all the materials, staff and services that have been developed to support giving up smoking for supporting drink reduction too as so many of the principles are the same because they are both harmful addictive substances. Smokefree, the UK programme, is aimed not at harm reduction but at complete stopping which is understandable seeing as tobacco is associated with most cancers. The equivalent alcohol programme needn’t be an abstinence policy but a health promotion harm reduction policy.
What I have to bear in mind though is that Sir Richard Doll established the link between lung cancer and smoking in 1950 and it has taken until now for public health to get almost fully behind this known fact – so only 60 years! Is it going to take as long again for the risks and harm of alcohol to be addressed in the same way? I hope not as I have young children and am optimistic that things like the internet will speed up awareness, sharing of knowledge and the change process.
Day 59 and rant over 🙂