Today is the one year anniversary of my final drinking horror. I am so glad that a year has passed since that day and that now I don’t drink it is unlikely to be repeated. Thank f*ck.
It was a bank holiday week-end and we had been invited to lunch by a new family within our village. It was an opportunity to get to know them and let the kids play together. Perfect.
They were the perfect hosts and our wine glasses remained topped up all day. It was a typically boozy British bbq – the food and company was glorious and we were having an untypical warm sunny day. By about 7.30 I was beginning to feel worse for wear and approached MrHOF saying ‘I would like to go’. He blew that off, not realising what a state I was close to being, and because the kids were still having a ball.
I realised that I needed to manage this and so went and passed out on their sofa. One of the hosts found me asleep, checked that this was OK with MrHOF who said I was tired and probably needed the rest and I was left to sleep. They woke me to get me home and again my memory of this is patchy.
Because they were local we had walked and so we needed to walk home. I was reeling and remember cannoning off the verges and falling over many times. I also got ‘took short’ during the journey so had to sidle off and deal with that too – in front of my kids!! I remember crawling up the stairs on my hands and knees and passing out cold.
When I came too the next morning MrHOF and the kids filled in the blanks and he explained that he had told the kids that Mummy was really tired and that was why I was acting funny. I was horrified.
Why? Because I have a similar memory from my childhood although my parent passed out in the garden in the middle of the day. I guess because it was 9pm and I went to bed the same time as the kids they wouldn’t have thought too much more about it, or so I hope. I remember being very scared and worried for my parent and was anxious that they were okay. I had done the very thing I swore to myself I would never do to my own kids.
For me that was it. I felt I had shamed myself in front of people I didn’t know and in front of my own children. I NEVER wanted that to happen and it had and I wasn’t going to let that happen again and it hasn’t. Not because I stopped drinking the next day – it took another 4 months of moderating and quit attempts to finally nail it.
I saw said family again only recently, as I spent months avoiding them because of my embarrassment. They thought that the day had been a huge success and were keen to repeat it again soon and no mention was made of my behaviour. I am also keen again to repeat the lunch, but this time it will be done sober! 🙂