My final drinking horror

Today is the one year anniversary of my final drinking horror.  I am so glad that a year has passed since that day and that now I don’t drink it is unlikely to be repeated.  Thank f*ck.

It was a bank holiday week-end and we had been invited to lunch by a new family within our village.  It was an opportunity to get to know them and let the kids play together.  Perfect.

They were the perfect hosts and our wine glasses remained topped up all day.  It was a typically boozy British bbq – the food and company was glorious and we were having an untypical warm sunny day.  By about 7.30 I was beginning to feel worse for wear and approached MrHOF saying ‘I would like to go’.  He blew that off, not realising what a state I was close to being, and because the kids were still having a ball.

I realised that I needed to manage this and so went and passed out on their sofa.  One of the hosts found me asleep, checked that this was OK with MrHOF who said I was tired and probably needed the rest and I was left to sleep.  They woke me to get me home and again my memory of this is patchy.

Because they were local we had walked and so we needed to walk home.  I was reeling and remember cannoning off the verges and falling over many times.  I also got ‘took short’ during the journey so had to sidle off and deal with that too – in front of my kids!!  I remember crawling up the stairs on my hands and knees and passing out cold.

When I came too the next morning MrHOF and  the kids filled in the blanks and he explained that he had told the kids that Mummy was really tired and that was why I was acting funny.  I was horrified.

Why?  Because I have a similar memory from my childhood although my parent passed out in the garden in the middle of the day.  I guess because it was 9pm and I went to bed the same time as the kids they wouldn’t have thought too much more about it, or so I hope.  I remember being very scared and worried for my parent and was anxious that they were okay.  I had done the very thing I swore to myself I would never do to my own kids.

For me that was it.  I felt I had shamed myself in front of people I didn’t know and in front of my own children.  I NEVER wanted that to happen and it had and I wasn’t going to let that happen again and it hasn’t.  Not because I stopped drinking the next day  – it took another 4 months of moderating and quit attempts to finally nail it.

I saw said family again only recently, as I spent months avoiding them because of my embarrassment.  They thought that the day had been a huge success and were keen to repeat it again soon and no mention was made of my behaviour.  I am also keen again to repeat the lunch, but this time it will be done sober! 🙂

24 thoughts on “My final drinking horror

  1. Lucy fab post and I can so relate to the embarrassment factor of meeting new people and waking up with regrets, Huge congrats on your fantastic achievement and thank you for the difference you make to my life with your excellent blog xxx

  2. Wow Lucy… that is so powerful and thanks for sharing that with us. For some people that wouldn’t have been the final straw.. but I so get it. I did a very similar thing in the final weeks of my drinking but it involved vomiting – I’m hoping the kids were too young to hear me and the toilet door was shut but it was just after I stumbled home from a BBQ with them too. HUGE CONGRATULATIONS on one year!!!!!!!!!! That is AWESOME!! xx

  3. One year?! That’s fantastic!!!

    Oh we all have our stories, don’t we? We can go on all day about them, but that doesn’t define us, Lucy. We’re just sick folks on the mend…and now look at you!

    I am soooo very happy for you and thank you for all that you do out here – you are so very supportive, open, generous and honest. A wonderful combination 🙂

    Big hugs

    1. Paul Thank you. As you rightly say they don’t define us but it is only by releasing them for others to hear and seeing that they are met with compassion and non-judgement does their power diminish. A healing gift 🙂 Thank you once more for your kind words xx

  4. I can relate to that too, just reading it brought back so many memories, none of which are good.
    I have to ask, what is “took short”? Stupid American here 🙂
    Congratulations on being a year away from that, as time goes on, these memories will fade. At least I hope so.

    1. Hey Soberlearning 🙂 ‘Took short’ means needing to use the bathroom when there are no facilities. Thank God it is a year ago 🙂 xx

      1. I sort of thought so. I get taken short a lot when I am running. I am constantly peeing in the woods, if that makes you feel any better. 🙂
        Here is to a year!

  5. Ouch. Wincing with you. You describe it so well. Hope you have put that old ghost to rest by describing it here. I have a similar story from about five years ago when I attended a dinner but having had a bottle of wine on my own in the hotel room beforehand only made it through the first course before throwing up in the loo and having to be poured into a taxi 🙁 we are only as sick as our secrets, yes? letting go of the shame balloon and allowing it to float up up and away… big hug brave Lucy! Xxx

    1. Good way to look at it Prim ‘as sick as our secrets’. I like that and have let the balloon go 🙂 xx

  6. As much as I feel like I have 10 heads sometimes for staying sober at parties and get-togethers, thinking about my own stories like this makes it all worth it! The shame and embarrassment…ugh. Thanks for sharing and I am glad you have put it in the past, Lucy!

  7. Congratulations on your resoluteness! That is impressive. It sounds like it has really paid off for you, that is wonderful. 🙂

    1. Thanks Lucy R (btw my surname begins with R too!) Just plain stubborn more like and thank you 😉

  8. Lucy so pleased for you. I just love your blog and you really help keep me focused. I have said before I wonder how you find the time – you are indeed very generous of heart and spirit. Your tale reminds me of many occasions when I have let myself and my family down. I wish I had found your strength when I was younger, but it is better late than never.
    Wishing you all good things xxxx

    1. Thanks Kim. I’m so glad that you love it 🙂 I find the time because my working life allows it and because I feel passionate about it. Right back at ya xx

  9. Congrats Lucy! Woot woot! One year is huge! Thank you for sharing your last drunk story. Many of us can relate to it, I had the same kind of story for my last drunk, although I was only in the company of my daughter! But yhe memories or lack of, brought me to my knees. Ugh! And the miracle now is that we are sober, and that’s awesome! You’re a miracle! Hugs!

  10. Hi Lou, I missed this post and have just gone back to it. It definitely resonates with me too. Oh the shame I feel when I look back on those moments! It usually involves me asking people about their kids/husband and getting their kid’s/husband’s name wrong…or calling them by the name of a mutual friend’s kid/husband (which is obviously still wrong, but shows I am confused rather than forgetful). To make things worse my husband has once asked me in front of my “friend” do you know who you are talking to?!! Aaagh… I literally turned red and had to walk away. Thanks for posting x

    1. Hi Sarah Thanks for sharing your experiences. Glad it resonated with you too x

  11. There’s something about having kids that can motivate us to change for the better. So glad to hear that you are doing well!

    1. Hi Debbie Thank you for reading and commenting on my blog! You are so right about kids being a motivator for positive change and thank you 🙂

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