So I’ve posted this today because it’s my wedding anniversary 🙂 And for me Brene Brown’s work resonates with both my personal journey and my journey as part of a marriage partnership so it feels wholly appropriate to discuss braving. This was a free online talk she gave at Oprah’s Super Soul Sessions that was part of the launch of her new Courage Works. I am a massive fan of Brene and have written about her work on shame before here.
So she was discussing the anatomy of trust – a BIG word and as part of the discussion she broke it down and provided an acronym to give the word some form which is braving.
Now you’re probably wondering – what has that got to do with this blog? Well a big part of the recovery journey for me has been about self-trust. And as Brene says self-trust is braving self love and self respect, which to me means self-care and that is a HUGE part of the recovery journey.
As she says we have to trust ourselves above everyone else because
“You can’t ask people to give you what you don’t have”
I never trusted myself as a drinker because once I’d had one drink all bets were off and my self-trust has been massively restored through sobriety.
So here is the lovely pdf she designed to explain braving and a worksheet for rumbling with self-trust
I really really like this (along with everything else she does!!) but this bit really rang loud bells “Did I choose courage over comfort? Did I choose what’s right over what’s fun, fast, and easy?” Boundaries, reliability, accountability, integrity, non-judgement, generosity towards self and others and the vault of friendship are all hugely important to me and were seriously eroded by alcohol leaving me with guilt and shame. It wasn’t that I was a ‘bad’ person it’s just that my sensitivity to alcohol meant that it co-opted my normally reliable self and destroyed my boundaries and integrity (particularly with myself). Now that I’m present all the time that isn’t under threat EVER – not with myself, MrHOF or the kids and that makes me feel so proud.
She also talks about marble jar friends – ‘sliding door’ moments of trust where before with booze I couldn’t be sure I would do the right thing but now it has been made much easier. Plus I have so many marble jar friends out here in the sobersphere I wouldn’t give you or my sobriety up for anything, much like MrHOF, who is ever so grateful we married a month after Valentine’s Day as it has it’s own alternative celebration you may have heard of 😉