Monthly Archives: September 2017

Moderate drinking: risk Vs reward?

A brilliant post by my friend Libby Ranzetta for Alcohol Policy UK written back in June about moderate drinking: risk vs reward.

Over to Lib:

A study recently published in the BMJ found that alcohol consumption, even at moderate levels, is associated with adverse brain outcomes. The research also found no support for a protective effect of light consumption on brain structure. The authors, from Oxford University and University College London, concluded:

These results support the recent reduction in alcohol guidance in the UK and question the current limits recommended in the US.

The research may be seen in the context of the much debated J-shaped curve suggesting potential health benefits of alcohol consumption at lower risk levels. Indeed another recent BMJ study found evidence to support the potential protective effects of moderate consumption on cardiovascular disease (CVD), addressing some of the previous question marks over the CVD protective effects research. However expert reactions highlighted several reasons why drinking should not be taken up by abstainers for any potential CVD benefits.

In producing the new UK ‘Low risk drinking guidelines‘ last year, the Chief Medical Officer’s (CMO) group considered the evidence that moderate drinking may reduce risks of death alongside ‘a large body of evidence’ demonstrating that these potential benefits are likely to be overestimated due to the limitations found in most studies of the long-term health consequences of alcohol consumption.

The group also factored in modelling by the University of Sheffield which included protective effects for some health conditions weighed against the alcohol-related risks of mortality from others. The conclusions were:

  1. Any benefit to cardiovascular health for moderate drinkers in the UK is largely cancelled out by their increased risk to health from other diseases, and
  2. Any remaining benefits to health from moderate drinking are small and uncertain. (See here for more details)

The Oxford/UCL study, which scanned for structural brain changes such as hippocampal atrophy, grey matter density, and white matter microstructure in the Whitehall II study cohort, has its limitations too of course, summarised in an NHS Choices explainer as:

  • The participants are all people who were civil servants in the 1980s and were mostly male and more middle class and higher IQ than the general population, meaning results might not be applicable to the UK as a whole.
  • The effect of hippocampal atrophy was found in men and not women which may be down to the lower sample size of women and that few of them drank heavily.
  • The information on alcohol intake was self-reported and therefore might be inaccurately reported by participants.
  • It is difficult to link brain structure with alcohol intake when it might have been down to other confounding factors such as intelligence, cognitive stimulation and other lifestyle factors.
  • The MRI scan only took place once, at the end of the study, so it is difficult to tell if and when any changes in brain structure took place and rule out other influencing factors.

No safe level?

Of course such studies do not intend to suggest that alcohol does not have potential social benefits, rather than the seek to answer the question of the possible health implications of moderate consumption – an issue that seems to generate substantial public and media interest. Back in January 2016 when the revised guidelines were announced, an article in the Telegraph covered a range of responses to the ‘Low risk drinking guidelines’, from health professionals discussing risks to critics of the guidelines calling nanny statism. We also published our own expert reactions on the revised guidelines and media reaction, also followed by an analysis of Twitter reactions.

This latest studies nudge the argument further along the current direction of travel regarding potential health risks and benefits: light drinking probably won’t make you healthier; potential CVD benefits need to be considered against other risks. A somewhat tricky message, but as Matt Field, Professor of Addiction at the University of Liverpool, put it in the Telegraph: 

Any amount of alcohol consumption carries some risk. However, it is important to bear in mind that most activities that people undertake on a daily basis – e.g. driving to work – carry some risk, and people need to make informed choices about the level of risk that they are prepared to accept.

In his APE: Alcohol and Epidemiology blog, John Holmes discusses the difficulties of turning research findings – which posit different levels of risk for different diseases – into simple health promotion messages that are ‘scientifically robust, sufficiently compelling and easily understood’.

He highlights a recent meta-analysis of cancer and alcohol research supports the judgement that ‘alcohol causes cancer of the oropharynx, larynx, oesophagus, liver, colon, rectum and breast’, although the risks are pretty small at low levels of drinking. However, as mentioned above, the CMO’s evidence review considers many other conditions, including ischaemic stroke, ischaemic heart disease and type II diabetes, which show U- and J-shaped relationships, indicating a beneficial effect of alcohol at some levels of consumption and a detrimental effect at others.

While addiction professors and epidemiologists may feel confident in making informed choices from the complex information available, the degree to which the wider public choose whether or not to take notice of the CMO’s headline messages on lower risk drinking will remain a hot topic.

Completely agree Lib!

Thursday Sober Inspiration: 4 years clean and sober! (Straight Sun)

As I celebrate 4 years clean and sober it has prompted renewed reflection. So much has happened between this time last year and now.  Much of it has not been as positive as we would have hoped but then sh*t happens whether you are sober or drinking.  Some of it has been stressful, emotionally overwhelming, and felt downright difficult and unfair but again such is life.  One thing is true through all of this though – at no point has the thought of drinking crossed my mind as a good idea.

So when I wrote last years 3 year soberversary post I hoped that we would now be living in Australia and that isn’t so.  Our plans took a turn for the worse at the end of June when the Australian govt announced that they were reducing the age cap on the permanent residency skilled migrant visa from 50 to 45 effective 1st July.  As I’m 48 that was pretty much the end of the road to our emigration plans.  We may get the opportunity to go over on a temporary work visa for 4 years but it’s highly likely we’d have to return after that. The odds aren’t looking good so we’ve accepted as a family this is most likely the end of the living there dream but we  can still go back on holidays to visit our family whenever we wish.

I hoped that I would have been able to successfully publish my Cambridge research and that isn’t so either.  It is however my writing and so I can publish it here if I so wish, and I do.  So here is my research paper written last year for the University of Cambridge Postgraduate Diploma in Education Studies (Counselling).  This isn’t a true academic piece of writing because it is written in the first person rather than the third.  It uses much of my lived experience (phenomenological approach) so is a mix of qualitative and quantitative research.  That is partly why it isn’t suitable for academic publishing without a great deal of rewriting.  What I would ask is that you are respectful to the personal content contained within it.

What is the link between insecure attachment, alexithymia & addiction

If I had to write a time-frame of what this journey has been like to date I would say this:

  • Year 1 was about escaping the physical & psychological pull of drinking & getting through all the social triggers or big sober milestones (week-ends, weddings, parties, Bank Holidays, birthdays, Xmas & New Year, holidays, seasons).
  • Year 2 was about living sober – having made it through the milestones this year can be harder than the first because it is now ‘normal’ to be a non-drinker rather than a drinker in these social situations.  As Mary Karr writes in Lit: “If you live in the dark a long time and then the sun comes out, you do not cross into it whistling.  There’s an initial uprush of relief at first, then – for me, anyway – a profound dislocation.  My old assumptions about how the world works are buried, yet my new one’s aren’t yet operational.”  Sums it up beautifully 🙂
  • Year 3 was where I started to process the emotional sobriety elements of living in recovery.  It was too soon to start deep diving in to the issues but I started to tentatively explore the work that needed to be done later and build my emotional resilience in preparation.
  • Year 4 has been the mother-load of emotional recovery work for me.  Now I’ve felt emotionally robust enough to deep dive on some of the underlying reasons why I drank and to be resilient enough to sit with those feelings and it not trigger an emotional relapse that is then a risk for a full relapse.  And again in the words of Mary Karr from Lit: “A lot of therapy is looking through a child’s eyes, she says.  This is looking through an adult’s”  Again, absolutely bang on!

This is only my experience of sobriety though and we are all very different in how we experience both drinking and recovery.  Melody Beattie in her book: Beyond Codependency describes the stages of recovery as expressed by Timmen Cermak as: survival/denial -> reidentification -> core issues -> reintegration -> genesis (which beautifully mirrors my years 1-4 so far!).  She goes on to say: “This is the recovery process.  It’s a fluid process, with carryovers and crossovers at different stages.  There isn’t a fixed time frame for moving through these stages ….. Recovery is a healing and a spiritual process.  We travel from self-neglect into self-responsibility, self care and self love.  I’ve learned that self-care isn’t narcissistic or indulgent.  Self care is the one thing I can do that most helps me and others too.

And of the genesis stage which is where I now consider myself:

This isn’t the end.  It’s a new beginning.  We’re no longer carrying around our “imprisoned” selves.  Nor are we indulging in all our whims and desires.  Discipline has found its place in our lives too.  Like butterflies broken loose from a cocoon, our selves are “flying free” …  We’ve found a new way of life – one that works.

I would not have changed any of it and remain certain that my decision to stop was one of the best of my lifetime so far.  My life would have been poorer were it not for the friendships and connections I have made out here on the inter-webs because of that single decision to put down my last drink on the 20th September 2013.

Although drink holds no appeal right now I am under no illusion that like Smaug in Lord of the Rings my addiction is like a sleeping dragon that one drink could awaken.  Because as Tolkien wrote Smaug is “a most specially greedy, strong and wicked wyrm”.  I remain alert and resolute heartened by the knowledge that as I head on towards 5 years sober this time next year, the risk of relapse drops to around 15%.

And to end this post?  The only way I know how to celebrate – with a tune!  Orbital ‘Straight Sun’ and some fantastic timeframe video of the UK 🙂

Tighten alcohol availability to reduce alcohol-related harms

Following last weeks blog post about alcohol availability this feels like the perfect follow on.  As reported by Alcohol Policy UK in June IAS in the UK & FARE in Australia released this report looking at tightening alcohol availability to reduce alcohol-related harms.

A new report has called for tighter restrictions on alcohol availability to help address alcohol-related harms, including pressures on emergency departments, hospitals and the police.

The report Anytime, Anyplace, Anywhere? [pdf] reviews fourteen alcohol licensing policies in Australia and the UK rating them for their effectiveness in reducing harm. It follows recent research identifying the extent of alcohol availability in England, and a recent call from the Lords Licensing Review Committee for a fundamental overhaul of the Act.

Produced jointly by the the UK Institute of Alcohol Studies (IAS) and the Foundation for Alcohol Research and Education (FARE) in Australia, the report makes ten recommendations for reducing alcohol-related harms through existing licensing policy frameworks including:

  • Restricting trade hours of on-licence venues to limit the availability of alcohol in the early hours of the morning
  • Enhancing community involvement, better facilitating the engagement of local residents with licensing systems
  • Adding / prioritising public health and / or harm minimisation objectives in alcohol legislation
  • Restricting the sales of high risk products in areas of concern; and
  • Deprioritising government support for industry voluntary schemes in place of policies supported by evidence.

In the document’s foreword, Professor Robin Room states:

“The availability of alcohol is a crucial element in what happens with consumption trends and with rates of alcohol-related harm. Public policy needs to prioritise evidence-based controls on the availability of alcohol to reduce rates of harm.”

Ahead of the launch of the report, Kypros Kypri, Professor of Public Health at University of Newcastle, Australia said:

“There is strong evidence to show that earlier closing times can make a significant difference to the strain alcohol places on emergency services. In Sydney, bringing forward closing times to 3am was associated with a 25% reduction in alcohol-related presentations to the local hospital.”

UK policy calls – falling on deaf ears?

In 2016 the IAS released an extensive report on the 2003 Licensing Act, which said the interests of the licensed trade have benefited over those of local communities. Despite mounting calls to review licensing legislation in England, including from the subsequent Lord’s licensing committee, there appears no intention to fundamentally change national policy – perhaps not surprising within the immediate political climate.

Currently national policy may be best inferred from the 2016 modern crime prevention strategy which sets out three main alcohol-related crime and disorder objectives, including a pledge on ‘equipping the police and local authorities with the right powers’. Critics of the current Act though have also argued that enforcement powers are not fully utilised, possibly reflected by the falling number of premises being called for review. In addition the crime strategy emphasises building local partnerships through industry led schemes – an approach the latest IAS & FARE report calls to be replaced by those supported by firmer evidence. Indeed questions have been raised over the lack of evidence to support the impact of voluntary partnerships schemes, notably ‘Community Alcohol Partnerships’ (CAPs). In contrast, Cumulative Impact Policies do find overall favour in the latest report, albeit with some limitations.

Read the full report here

Friday Sober Inspiration: Out of Time (Midlife, if you still think you’re young)

Prim recently lent me this book to read ‘Out of Time‘ – a book about midlife, or as Carl Jung called it the ‘midlife transition‘ between youth and old age.  As I approach both my 4th soberversary and my 49th birthday it feels hugely prescient.  Thank you Prim! 🙂

And as you would hope there was a passage about stopping drinking as part of that experience.  Over to Miranda:

An old friend of mine gave up drinking when he was 45 (I was 6 weeks before my 45th birthday).  He says: ‘I decided I was going to divide my adult life into two halves.  Twenty five years’ boozing.  And twenty five years without booze.’

He gave up after a many-week bender that took him to New York, then Manchester – partying ‘with a bunch of doctors and judges, everyone off their tits’ – then out to the countryside and a New Year’s Eve on the Jim Beam and the JD and the charlie: ‘I was totally out of it for a month.’  He woke up on New Year’s Day and couldn’t get out of bed until 6pm.  His kids were worried about him, he was three stone overweight and he was in agony.  I thought: ‘This is going to finish me off, if I carry on like this.  Don’t get me wrong, as a swan song, that month was brilliant.  But I had to stop.’

So he did.  No drink, no drugs.  His social life had to change, obviously, but he gave himself some rules.  Now, if he’s going out with friends, there has to be a purpose to the evening – ‘a third-party stimulus’ – like a meal, or a comedy night, or a film.  If he’s going to a party, he will stay only two hours: ‘9.30 till 11.30.  And then I leave.  It’s fine. Nobody cares.’

He says: ‘There’s nothing so good as a night out on the piss.  And I’ll always have the Pub Years.  But I’d like to live the life I’m living until I’m 70, to be active and thoughtful, to work and engage with things.  You get less sharp as you get older and I don’t want to do anything to make that worse.’

We talk about the difference between drinking in your twenties and early thirties and drinking when you’re older.  His forty-something boozing resulted in him getting into some proper scrapes.  The drinking kept him behaving as though he were younger, as though he was the same age as when he’d first started properly drinking.  It helped him ignore the fact that his life had changed, that it involved other people: wife, kids, workmates.  It made him continue to take risks, to believe himself hilarious and invicible.  To suppress his psychological baggage by never confronting it.  To drag his angst around, through being drunk or hungover all the time.

‘And then’, he says, ‘I stopped drinking and discovered I was far less complex than I thought.  My main problem was I was a pisshead.

‘Also, why pretend you’re young?  You’re less interesting when you’re young.  At uni, what are you going to talk about after you’ve banged on about your parents and your course?  You have to drink to hide your inadequacies.  But at our age, if you can’t find something interesting to talk about with someone for two hours, with all the shit you’ve done and all the stuff you know, then that is pathetic, really.  Middle-aged people have a lot to say, and it can be really fascinating.  You don’t need to drink to get you through that.’

So so true for me all of that, like the biggest loudest ‘amen brother’.  And Miranda writes a brilliant description of what we have chosen to leave behind too:

Madness is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.  Your reaction to drink and drugs changes as you age.  Especially the aftermath.  The hangovers arrive like a hostile alien invasion.  They swarm you, you cannot fight.  You are pinned down, poisoned, from head to heart to soul.

And why would I miss that exactly? 😉

And now the only tune I can follow this with …..

Ever present alcohol

This was an excellent guest post for Alcohol Policy UK in May which I am sharing again here about alcohol availability in England – or as I see it ‘ever present’.

In this guest post, Colin Angus, a Research Fellow at the University of Sheffield, explores recent research on alcohol availability in England and considerations for policy.

A recent study from the Sheffield Alcohol Research Group highlights how widely available alcohol is in England, and how this has changed in the last decade. The study explores the availability of alcohol through measuring travel distances to the nearest outlet selling alcohol and counting the number of places where alcohol could be bought within walking distance (1km). Researchers looked at how availability had changed between 2003 and 2013, particularly changes in the type of outlets where alcohol was sold, and how availability was related to socioeconomic deprivation.

The key findings include:

  • The average distance from the centre of each postcode to somewhere selling alcohol was 323m, with 85% of postcodes being within 500m of an alcohol outlet.
  • The average English postcode has 31 outlets selling alcohol within walking distance (1km) of its centre
  • Alcohol is more available in the on-trade (places like pubs and restaurants where alcohol is sold for consumption on the premises) than the off-trade (shops where alcohol is sold for consumption elsewhere) based on numbers of licensed premises
  • The most deprived 20% of postcodes have around 3 times as many outlets selling alcohol within walking distance of their centre as the least deprived 20%
  • A rapid proliferation of convenience stores and metro supermarkets since 2003 has meant that access to pubs and bars has decreased by 8%, while access to off-trade alcohol has increased by over a third.
  • Pub closures have been far more common in deprived areas while pub access has increased slightly in other areas.

There are many possible explanations for these findings. Significant changes to licensing were introduced in the 2003 Licensing Act, which came into force in 2005 and made it substantially easier to apply for new off-trade licenses. It is also likely that the economic pressures of the recession have had a major part to play in the economic viability of many pubs, as well as the effects of the 2007 smoking ban. This may explain the more acute declines in deprived areas where the recession has hit harder and smoking rates are higher.

What does this mean for public health?

The physical availability of alcohol is clearly not a barrier to obtaining alcohol in this country. Whilst there is a strong body of evidence showing that reducing the availability of alcohol reduces alcohol-related harm, this evidence is overwhelmingly from countries such as Australia and the USA where there are substantially fewer places to buy alcohol from in the first place. Although a steady reduction in the number of UK alcohol outlets may yield benefits in the long-term, it seems less likely that the closure of a small number of outlets will result in significant reductions in harm as long as alcohol is still widely available.

Declining availability in the most deprived areas, which suffer the most alcohol-related harm, may be seen as a good thing. However, shop-bought alcohol is generally substantially cheaper than that bought in pubs and bars, and access to shops selling alcohol has increased. Some have also expressed concern that a shift from drinking in pubs to drinking at home may bring increased risks to health; pubs may potentially offer a more controlled drinking environment where bar staff and patrons act as a moderating influence on levels of consumption.   

Two recent studies have found an association between higher levels of licensing activity in local authorities (in terms of challenging license applications and introducing cumulative impact policies) and greater reductions in alcohol-related hospital admissions and crime. Our findings suggest that unless a radical change in levels of availability can be achieved, local licensing boards may be more likely to have a greater impact on harm if they focus on particular problem outlets. Seeking to address other aspects of availability may also be more fruitful, such as opening hours or the selling of high strength low price products, rather than seeking to reduce the overall number of outlets in an area.

The findings also suggest that licensing actions and government legislation over the past decade or so has done little to directly address the shift in availability from on- to off-trade. Indeed, recent cuts to alcohol duty rates, whilst portrayed by some groups as a boost for the pub industry, have increased the relative gap in prices between the on- and off-trades, potentially accelerating this trend. Whatever the underlying causes of this shift may be, cheap alcohol is easier to access now than at any point in recent history.  

This research was part-funded by Alcohol Research UK (R 2014/03).

I find some of those statistics staggering particularly these two: 85% of postcodes being within 500m of an alcohol outlet & the average English postcode has 31 outlets selling alcohol within walking distance (1km) of its centre.

Both shocking and unsurprising to me, how about you?

 

Friday Sober Jukebox: Do The Hustle

So it’s been a while since I’ve had a moment of clarity in my sobriety so it feels like one was way overdue and then it arrived.  Not with a bang but as Laura McKowen said recently to Nicole Antoinette in a podcast, it was a ‘soft click’.  I’ve been doing the hustle again – the hustle for worthiness.

The soft click moment came lying in the bath having listened to 3 podcasts in quick succession; Meadow DeVor with Nicole Antoinette, the Laura McKowen one and then Dan Siegel talking about The Wheel of Awareness which I’ve talked about here.  It’s like they all coalesced in my brain and then I have a realisation.

So Dan talked about our Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) score which I also talk about in my attachment, alexithymia & addiction research paper I wrote and I will share soon here, plus Veronica Valli linked to an excellent article about it recently here too.  Mine is 8/10 which meant I was environmentally and genetically primed for addiction.  And Meadow talked about the hustle for worthiness as it relates to professional remuneration, overworking, underearning and overspending – an addiction of another kind in all but substance.

And when I looked back and reflected on different memories it all became clear.  Some clues?  Memories of hearing my parents arguing when I was teenager at being unable to afford the cost of my school fees (I was educated at private boarding school of my mother’s choosing not mine) and how it was wasted on me because he thought I wasn’t intelligent enough – and me thinking ‘I’ll prove you wrong’; having to tenaciously pursuit contacts I’d established to secure an assistant research psychologist post; badgering a manager for a reference to apply to the University of Cambridge and the joy at finding out I’d been accepted; writing the blog and then the tears at people signing up for the London workshops; and most recently approaching agencies as I try to secure a job (and accompanying visa) in Australia.  The soft click of awareness that I was feeling way too comfortable with all of this and how it all felt very familiar – the clenched jaw, breathe holding and giddy rush of the chase.  Good things come to those who hustle right?

And now I have the awareness I have to decide what to do with it and that I haven’t quite figured out yet.  So a musical interlude in the meantime  with Pan’s People no less! 😉

PS Tomorrow is the UK’s 9th Recovery Walk if you would like to join them here are all the details:

Faces And Voices of Recovery UK Blackpool 2017

 

I know how alcohol can ruin your mental health. So why is it so rarely discussed?

This article on alcohol and mental health was in The Guardian in May.

It’s amazing to see the British finally begin to talk about our feelings. But even as we mark this year’s Mental Health Awareness week, there’s still an elephant in the therapist’s waiting room: alcohol.

The physical health risks of drinking are well known. Less discussed are the mental health consequences. These are real and significant, and seem to be getting worse. For instance, the number of people admitted to hospital with alcohol-related behavioural disorders has risen in the last 10 years by 94% for people aged between 15 and 59, and by 150% for people over 60.

Alcohol played a key part in my own problems but it took me years to come out of denial about it.

I never drank in the morning or in parks, just in a British way, bingeing along with, well, everybody else. I didn’t question it because no one else seemed concerned.

Presenting to therapists over the years with anxiety, patterns of self-destructive compulsive behaviour, swinging between thinking I was the most important and the most worthless person on the planet, they barely asked how much I was tipping down my neck. And it was a lot.

The more I drank to medicate my low self-esteem, the worse my anxiety got and the more I drank to dull it. Years passed and I couldn’t see I was stuck right in the classic “cycle of addiction”.

Eventually a friend of mine who had gone into Overeaters Anonymous sheepishly suggested I might have a problem. I resented it hugely. I was successful with a good job. There was no problem.

Eventually, it was a work incident that woke me up. As editor of Attitude magazine, I believed it would be culturally significant to have Harry Potter on the cover of a gay magazine. When Daniel Radcliffe, who played Harry in the film franchise, agreed, the only gap in his schedule for a shoot was early on a Sunday morning, which was annoying. Saturday night was my favourite time to go out. But fine. I could do this.

I decided not to drink the day before. No wine at lunch, nor during the play I went to see, and then straight home. All went well. Just as I was about to go to bed, ready for the shoot the next day, curiosity got the better of me and I logged on to a dating site, just to check my messages.

The next thing I remember was waking up, empty cans everywhere, with a bunch of messages on my phone asking where I was. Daniel and his publicist couldn’t have been nicer when I arrived with my lame excuse, insisting I go home to bed and that the shoot would be OK, and he found time later in the week to do our interview. Disaster was averted but it was the wake-up call I needed.

Since finally giving up alcohol, I’ve learned many things. First, that addiction is everywhere. That it is not about the drinking (or whatever the substance is), but the feelings underneath. Usually there is some kind of childhood trauma that needs to be addressed. I’ve learned that it isn’t about when or where you drink but about whether you can easily stop once you’ve started. I’ve also learned that there is an astonishing lack of understanding about addiction in general, not just from the public but sometimes by professionals who, being human too, often have their own issues to deal with.

The positive news is that despite alcohol being a socially acceptable carnage-causing drug that is pushed on us from an early age, it too is beginning to be talked about less furtively. Brad Pitt spoke in an interview last week about his struggles, Colin Farrell recently spoke on Ellen about being 10 years sober. Daniel Radcliffe himself has spoken about his problem drinking.

Last year I did another interview, with Robbie Williams and singer John Grant talking about their life-saving experiences of recovery from alcohol, drugs and sex addiction – and this time, I wasn’t late for it. Studies continually show a link between alcohol abuse and violence, domestic abuse and suicide, so talking about it is not a luxury, it is a necessity.

The British drink too much. Alcohol must be next on the mental health agenda.

Completely agree Matthew!

Sober inspiration: Out of the Shadows, Out of the Shame

So another month another book – the final one downloaded onto my kindle relating to recovery before I pause and allow all of this reading to be internalised and processed.  Out of the shadows, out of the shame indeed.

Claudia Black’s book Changing Course is about recovery and as the book is described:

“Claudia Black extends a helping hand to individuals working their way through the painful experience of being raised with addiction. “How do you go from living according to the rules – Don’t Talk, Don’t Trust, Don’t Feel – to a life where you are free to talk and trust and feel?” Black asks. “You do this through a process that teaches you to go to the source of those rules, to question them, and to create new rules of your own,” she explains. Using charts, exercises, checklists, and real-life stories of adult children of alcoholics, Black carefully and expertly guides readers in healing from the fear, shame, and chaos of addiction.”

This particular section really struck me and so I’m sharing it here:

Recovery is living a life free from shame.  It is recognising that you are not your secret; you are not your family secrets.  You are a person with a myriad of experiences, some of them very painful.  But, the pain of exposing the secret very, very rarely compares to the pain of keeping the secret.  And once the knowledge is shared, the relief feels like the warmth of the summer sun after a very long, cold winter.

The following are some of the reasons people reveal secrets:

  1. It relieves a burden.  You no longer have to continue to lie to others.  The secret has made life more difficult.  It is no longer necessary to spend any more energy keeping it.
  2. It allows you to be true to yourself.  It allows you to be honest with yourself.
  3. It prevents a possible surprise discovery.  Some secrets are shared to lesson the shock or surprise that would be created if a significant other found out.
  4. It enables you to have a more honest relationship with another.  When you share a secret with someone, you are conveying the added message that you trust them with something very important to you.  You are sharing at a more vulnerable level and that often creates in the other person a reciprocal willingness to be open and vulnerable.  The result is that a greater trust develops between the two of you.
  5. It stimulates family change.  When you decide to speak up, other family members are encouraged to make changes in their own lives.
  6. It could be a plea for help.  When the secret you confide still needs to be attended too (for example, if you are drinking too much and not yet in recovery), telling another person is a way for you to begin to move yourself towards getting help.

Recovery does not include secrecy.  It means speaking your truth.  You must end the Don’t Talk rule for yourself.

This is all so true for me and I carried such shame around my drinking.  At approaching 4 years in recovery my shame is almost non-existent.  A friend recently asked me if I was still not drinking.  I said that I wasn’t and that it held absolutely no appeal to me now.  I now know deep in my soul that drinking would not improve or make any situation better.  To be free from the shame is a gift that one drink can never compete with, and that is all it would take to undo it all.  If you’re reading this and think you’re drinking too much, reach out to someone and share your secret.  It could be the most powerful thing you could do for yourself.